tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3742922779716186602024-02-06T18:02:43.884-08:00Half The Deensingle4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.comBlogger54125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-88476231287934994772013-06-14T17:00:00.000-07:002013-06-14T17:00:04.855-07:00Pet peeve<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I sometimes think I'm way too nice and let men dictate the speed at which we get to know each other. Some men are too slow in responding so I end up waiting for them to respond at their convenience. While some are just too eager in moving to the next stage when I am not convinced that we are compatible. I am too polite to keep repeating myself so I have to decide way too early whether I want to move ahead or just end communications there.<br />
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I was contacted by an eager suitor who wanted to jump to calling me and I refused stating that I want to stick to emails and see if understand each other. After answering only 4 of the 7 questions I asked him, he felt we know each other well enough to move to voice chat/calling. Worst part is when he skipped one of the questions, I repeated it and he ignored it a second time stating we need to voice chat. And now all I want to do is stop the conversation there because I think it's a little ridiculous for me to repeat myself when we've only spoken a short while.<br />
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I guess I can tell what a problem communicating with this person will be like if we were to actually get married. So it's probably for the best to leave things here.</div>
single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-12938495705545667912013-06-08T18:46:00.000-07:002013-06-08T18:46:09.202-07:00Taking My Own Sweet Time<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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I've been guilty of taking my own sweet time in responding to the suitor I'm currently (not-so-regularly) communicating with. I feel like I can't think right now. He's not perfect but then neither am I. I'm not too sure about the location which, of late, has a problem for the people I communicate with. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'd be all for it. Circumstances have changed and now, I'm simply confused. There are other reasons but they are doubts regarding myself and if I can handle the situation I'll be walking into.<br />
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Let me clarify. This is a different person than the one I mentioned in the <a href="http://halfthedeen.blogspot.ae/2013/05/eggshausted.html" target="_blank">my last blog post</a>. He was fine in every other way except when we spoke about our beliefs. And BOY were they different. I just couldn't relate and I felt that it would create major problems later on. That's the last aspect where I want to have clashes with my husband. Not that I want to have any but I understand that even married couples who love each other have disagreements.<br />
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Getting back to the current suitor, he hasn't exactly expressed his need for urgency on the matter either. So maybe we both are in the same position. I know I should just be honest but I've noticed that honesty doesn't always work too well in my favour. Either they are put off and become argumentative or withdraw while making excuses. Not keen on either scenario as of now. And then that makes me wonder if I can't trust them now, how would we have made things work after marriage.<br />
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There are other things on my mind which are giving me the excuse to not think about dealing with this suitor. I suppose I should just get to it. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Right?</div>
single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-58016526246312113992013-05-10T08:23:00.002-07:002013-05-10T08:23:47.651-07:00Eggshausted...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
My situation is slightly funny. Weird funny. Hence the egg reference. I have been speaking to a 'suitor' (I remembered some of you had mentioned me using the term 'brother' was weird so I shall comply and see how I like it). He is a nice person, mashaAllah and I was hoping this would turn out well but then I started getting a strong feeling that he is looking to end it. I decided to stay positive and give it my best but I suppose it was inevitable. I'm not sure about the reasons that I've been given are genuine but I'm not pursuing it any more. It became an investment of too much time and effort for something that wasn't headed anywhere. I'd have to say this was one of the few times I've felt upset over things not working out. But alhumdulillah, things happen for the best and you can't force it.<br />
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While feeling a little moody, I happened to receive a message from another suitor who seems nice. Not sure where this will lead but so far the things that seemed to be an issue for the other suitor don't seem to be for him. Alhumdulillah. Only thing that I'm concerned about right now is that he's much younger to me. I don't know of many couples where the wife is older and the husband younger and if there's anything I should be concerned about. Other than that, he seems mature and understanding. Two qualities that are important to me.<br />
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After a while, all this hunting gets a bit tiring and emotionally exhausting. If this one doesn't work out, I might take another break. Probably pursue other things in life and forget about marriage if I can. See if I can change other aspects of my life instead of worrying about getting married. Because, if it's never meant to be then I would have missed out on other opportunities as well.</div>
single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-52584461508613578482013-04-26T19:33:00.000-07:002013-04-26T20:35:22.616-07:00Thank you and Hello Again<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I know I've been neglecting my blog. I apologise.<br />
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You must be wondering if the reason is that I got married. Alhumdulillah, I'm still single. :D<br />
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Frankly, my reason for avoiding this blog was because I was conflicted at the time regarding things I should speak about and things I shouldn't. At times when I thought to write something, it sounded rather depressing or repetitive. I am still speaking to brothers but with perhaps not as much regularity as I used to. Unfortunately, certain factors are not in my favour. At this point, my age being one of them. I've definitely noticed a decline in the number of interests I've received. But... I only need 1. :)<br />
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Thank you to all who have left comments. I'm still in the process of going through them. Some of you had written a very long time ago. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Especially those who were waiting to hear from me. There is at least one comment that is more personal in nature. If you are still interested in a reply, feel free to leave an email address in the comment, I shall get back to you through that and since the comments do not appear until I approve of them, no one else will see your email address. You know who you are.<br />
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As for the question of whether I will continue blogging or not, I'm not sure myself. I didn't even intend to blog today. Just being spontaneous. Let's see how things go.<br />
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But in future if I do happen to get married, I'll definitely remember to leave you all a little post, inshaAllah. :D</div>
single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-67649477095338692882012-06-20T22:48:00.000-07:002012-06-20T22:48:15.852-07:00And My Journey Continues<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's been a while since I ended communications. Very strange person he turned out to be. When explanations were asked for, the response was to run away from the questions and to turn around and question me. Fortunately, I received help from some good people in discovering these issues. Alhumdulillah, I was actually pretty relieved (and slightly amused) when I saw his reaction. I could tell he didn't expect me to discover the truth. I am concerned about the next person he communicates with as he would have learnt from his mistakes.<br />
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Since then, I've spoken to another brother since he seemed really nice and religious but it seems we've already run into a little problem. Completely different plans for the future including when he intends on getting married. For him, his goals are appropriate. For me, not so much. On the positive note, at least we're both being open about it. I'm not sure how we'll proceed as yet or if there's room for compromise.<br />
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So here I am and my journey continues... :)</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-27720761815264633382012-06-01T16:12:00.000-07:002012-06-01T16:12:18.938-07:00Getting Somewhere<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?<br />
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So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D<br />
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Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-9017818569289850432012-04-28T21:27:00.001-07:002012-04-28T21:27:44.753-07:00Checking Back<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Time flies! I didn't realize how quickly one gets busy with life. I apologise to those who left me their email IDs and never heard back from me. I simply forgot to check my email after a few days of writing my last post. You'll be hearing from me shortly, inshallah! Those who included their email addresses in their comments, I have avoided approving your comments for now so that your emails are not solicited.<br />
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As a quick review, I've spoken to a few brothers over the last few months but perhaps only the last two are worth mentioning because of certain similarities. Both seemed like good brothers and appeared to be interested in speaking to me however somewhere shortly down the line, both backed out of communicating further rather abruptly. This has somewhat left me confused. I'm guessing they may have been communicating with other single sisters at the same time which led them eventually focus on others.<br />
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What are your thoughts on communicating with more than one person simultaneously? Is it smart, insensitive or just plain wrong?</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-64056124382639601042012-01-12T05:05:00.000-08:002012-01-12T05:19:38.158-08:00Update and Contacting MeHope everyone has been having a great start to their new year. May Allah guide us to finding a righteous spouse. Ameen.<div><br /></div><div>The search has been slow. I did come across one brother who seemed nice however location was an issue for him so we didn't actually speak unfortunately. I have planned to put aside 30 - 60 mins every day to work on finding someone since I've been very laid back about it. Let's see how this goes. I also need to cut down on my distractions and figure out my other goals in life and hopefully it'll only aid me in finding the one (that sounds cheesy). These aren't new year's resolutions but things I need to address right now.</div><div><br /></div><div>Every now and then someone tries to contact me via my blog. Since my comments are private and need approval, please do leave your email address and inshallah I'll get back to you asap. Also, if you leave your email, do let me know if you wish to leave your comment as private/deleted. I do not post my own email because of spam and due to the nature of my blog, I would rather not have people unnecessarily emailing me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Sorry for the delay in getting back to you (you know who you are) but it's because I did not really know how to get in touch.</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-42264712759676297212011-11-09T15:12:00.000-08:002011-11-09T15:21:38.694-08:00DistractionEid Mubarak to my dear blog readers! I'm actually shocked at the number of people following my blog. I find it embarrassing even.<div><br /></div><div>Lately, I've developed a distraction so I spend even less time searching for a soul mate than I actually want to or planned to. I actually didn't think it would be this difficult a process. But perhaps if it was this easy I would have shut down my blog months ago. The hardest thing is liking someone and them liking you back. And then your parents being happy with it. Parents are meant to be your guide and make sure you make the right choice but sometimes they just make it harder by adding in their own criteria. So right now the distraction helps me forget these issues. This is going to take a while.</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-56292289879220989372011-09-25T07:35:00.000-07:002011-09-25T15:04:58.291-07:00StuckA while back I started communicating with a brother. Everything seemed fine but I just didn't feel excited over it. I can't really explain why. At times I felt like it seemed too good to be true which should normally make one happy but I didn't feel it. It's normal for me to not get attached to any of the people I speak to. Nor do I usually get upset over things not working out. At least it doesn't overwhelm me. And I like it that way.<br /><br />With this brother, I felt we should get to know each other a little bit first before involving pictures and base my reaction and desire to move ahead on his personality and if there's any connection. I was starting to sound pessimistic in my head without any real reason and I was beginning to wonder if those are just fears. After discussing some of the things that are important to me, I decided to move ahead and exchange pictures. Now here's the problem, I'm not attracted to him. Further more things he said initially that he was flexible about are sounding more rigid and the opposite of what I'm looking for. So I'm beginning to wonder if he just wanted to appear flexible to make a good impression but in fact we really want different things.<br /><br />I've prayed istikhara and a friend mentioned that perhaps my feelings are the answer to my istikhara. On one hand I'd feel guilty if I reject him purely for the attraction factor. Or we may not actually be right for each other. Do I pursue it further or do I cut it short early?<br /><br />It's unlike me to seek suggestions on my blog but I also have other things on my mind so I may not be making the best decision on my own. Will keep everyone updated.single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-60493042297176971562011-09-22T08:09:00.000-07:002011-09-22T08:16:23.102-07:00Belated Eid Mubarak!Belated Eid mubarak to everyone! Hope you all had a good Ramadan too. Alhumdulillah, mine was really good. I managed to get more things done than I had planned, deen wise. I had put almost everything else on hold. Last year, the case was completely the opposite. I was completely swamped and felt like I missed out. But so far this yr has been going really well. And I pray the case is the same for you all.<br /><br />Well, that explains my absence last month. This month I had a minor health issue so I was a little preoccupied with that. Alhumdulillah, nothing serious.<br /><br />I have a blog post developing in my mind since last night. Only problem is my thoughts move faster than I can type and by the time I get them down, they don't flow as well. However, since it's something I need advice on, the post should be up soon. Does this post pique your curiosity? I hope so. :Dsingle4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-54900135321597220322011-07-20T00:27:00.001-07:002011-07-20T01:20:05.215-07:00Amazed!I'm quite amazed that even though I took a rather long break from my blog, I'm still getting comments. It's so nice to hear people can relate to what you are going through. Makes you feel that you aren't alone.<br /><br />One of the reasons I took a break from blogging was because I had no real insight to share on the marriage front. I can't constantly be on the hunt because of the kind of proposals I was getting were starting to annoy me. I used to make a habit of responding to every person even if I was going to reject them because I would want to know if someone is interested in me or not. But after a while even rejecting people becomes frustrating.<br /><br />Since I'm here, I might as well answer the questions I got via comments. Firstly as salaamualaikum/walaikumas salaam to all!<br /><br />The Good Daughter - mashaAllah! That's great. I think a few pictures initially should be enough to determine if you find a person attractive or not so it's great that your fiance didn't require a lot of pictures. And as for the chat, it never happened so alhumdulillah. :) I've even forgotten who I was speaking about. lol.<br /><br />Patricia - Agreed. Looks shouldn't be the priority. Looks fade so I find it strange if the only thing a man mentions is that he thinks I look good and is satisfied with that to marry me. And yes, I find it really uncomfortable when a guy becomes casual and starts referring to me as dear, love, etc. It might nromal for him to speak that way to other girls as well. To me that's a problem with boundaries. Terms of endearment are fine after marriage or with family, not every member of the opposite gender that you may get married to. But that's just my take on it.<br /><br />hijabi.sailoress - good tip. ;)<br /><br />Anon 1 - how do I handle rejections? Well, since I don't get attached to any of my "suitors" (taking someone's suggestion :D) I don't get offended by them rejecting me. Well, you feel bad for a bit. But then you move on. You can't be completely detached so it's okay to feel upset. Just don't let it get to you to the extent that you feel miserable about it. When its meant to happen, it will.<br /><br />Anon 2 - lol, that is an odd request for advice since I'm still single. If there is no mosque near you to get to know people and form connections, then I'd suggest looking online. But beware of certain "islamic" websites. I'd go for the popular ones like singlemuslim.com or halfourdeen.com (latter is a decent priced option). But there's nothing and no one who can assure you that you'd find your mate. You have to speak to a lot of people and inshallah you'll find her. If you do go the online route, make sure you fill a decent amount of info in the sections about you and who you are looking for. Blank profiles don't really help.<br /><br />Soulseek - same old. But thanks for the advice. :) It's always great to hear a male perspective.<br /><br />Anon 3 - or he's chatting with a bunch of girls at a time so he's deciding who he likes best while to talks to a bunch of them. Just a thought but not necessarily the case.<br /><br />CATGIRL - suitors it is. lol. I am not sure what you mean about teachers, please elaborate?<br /><br />I can't promise that I'm back. I've been busy with other stuff I've taken up. Plus Ramadan is just around the corner but I'll try to keep posting updates. Keep me in your duas. :)single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-18207652673744738102011-04-15T06:15:00.000-07:002013-04-26T20:26:12.166-07:00Confusion<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Last month I started to communicate with a brother who seemed quite interested in me. He seemed fine but I didn't seem to be getting actual answers from him when I was trying to get to know him. His responses were quite general and short. It didn't really feel normal. Then he wanted to jump from mails to messengers and I wasn't sure if he's really serious. I decided to take a chance and give it to him anyway hoping the faster communication will help. And now he has disappeared. I found that a little funny. Perhaps he got too impatient even though I had a genuine reason for a delay in responding.<br />
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In the mean time, another brother got in touch with me (he requested my email) and he also seemed quite interested but I think my questions have scared him because he hasn't answered any. They weren't even scary questions. lol. I'm not sure how people get to know each other if they don't ask or expect to get asked questions? We had some small talk in between and I went with it because I wanted him to feel at ease while communicating with me. Now he wants see more pictures of me. I guess men make majority of their decisions based on looks. But all I want to know is if we are even compatible.<br />
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This process is getting weirder day by day. lol.</div>
single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-82168114560548525712011-03-11T03:42:00.000-08:002011-03-11T03:57:08.600-08:00Cheesy ConversationsIt's hard to take men seriously when they say cheesy things in their messages. Sometimes it's annoying and other times it makes me laugh at them. I know this sounds bad but imagine a guy calling a girl "princess" or a girl calling a guy "hunk" during a serious communication about marriage. It's sounds so silly and weird and unnecessary. And it makes you wonder if these people are even serious or is this something they say to every person they speak to. Is it their ice breaker because they have nothing relevant to speak of and have no idea what they are looking for?<div><br /></div><div>I've been contacted by such people for a while now but sometimes people just go over the top and this one particular person just landed straight into dreamland. His message to me was just so damn cheesy, I can't consider him as a serious potential anymore. I don't even know how to respond. It's so ridiculous. I'm stumped.</div><div><br /></div><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://poljunk.gloriousnoise.com/images/bush.stumped.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 320px;" src="http://poljunk.gloriousnoise.com/images/bush.stumped.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-43938164535437487392011-03-04T17:58:00.000-08:002011-03-05T21:49:25.863-08:00Considering Someone YoungerIslamically, there's nothing wrong with the husband being younger since Prophet Muhammad (saw) and Khadija (ra) had an amazing marriage together irrespective of their age but they were both amazing people themselves. Extremely mature and level headed.<div><br /></div><div>Recently I started speaking to a brother and we haven't had many conversations or a proper one for that matter but it's only yesterday that I realized that he's younger to me. It puts our conversations into perspective since realizing this fact. I don't think I've made the best impression myself because I felt he was too laid back and I'm getting the feeling he's not really interested even though he initiated the communication. Maybe I'm reading it wrong and he feels it's better to not be too formal. I'm still a little unsure of the right balance. Being formal just seems the safer route for me. Plus it translates your seriousness in the matter.</div><div><br /></div><div>For now, I'm considering to judge him based on his personality and see if we can be compatible or if he's truly not serious about marriage.</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-68454178240746217932011-01-14T11:04:00.000-08:002011-01-14T11:23:08.238-08:00And That Is ThatI can't say it turned out negative. I'm a little confused on what to make of it. But perhaps more than me the brother is confused and perhaps a little apprehensive about marriage or it's discussion with just anyone. I can understand that because I'm beginning to realize, not everyone can be sensitive about the issue. Not even people you call friends or those you consider mature. They start arguing to you about right and wrong instead of trying to understand your dilemma.<div><br /></div><div>Khair, on to other prospects. :)</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-328647001304323722011-01-13T03:28:00.000-08:002011-01-13T05:45:04.310-08:00Non-Religious ProfessionalsWhile going through a bunch of online profiles of professionals in the same field as me as well as other fields, I was surprised to find how many of them don't pray salah on a regular basis. It's disappointing.<br /><br />Sunan at-Tirmidhi (Jami-al-Tirmidhi) Chapter No: 1, <a href="http://ahadith.co.uk/chapter.php?cid=34">Taharah (Purification)</a><br /><b>Hadith</b> no: 4<br />Narrated: Jabir bin Abdullah<br />narrated that Allah's Messenger (SAW) said,"They key to paradise is the salah and the key to the salah is ablution." [Ahmed14668]<br /><br />Is it necessary to compromise your deen in order to have a great career? Or to even do well in it? Or it just the way the world works now? A dedicated worker cannot be a family man/woman, actively working on their imaan and leading a healthy lifestyle? If we have to give up one thing to accommodate another, I have to wonder who made up these rules in the first place.single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-78853313599433181802011-01-12T05:00:00.000-08:002011-01-12T06:43:35.382-08:00Waiting...As an update, I asked another brother to mediate and see if he can get the feel of how the brother feels about marriage and if he would consider communication. As luck would have it, they haven't had a chance to speak as yet so I'm still waiting. I don't want things to be rushed yet I'd rather I know asap if it's a no.<div><br /></div><div>I've tried praying istikhara and I have been having completely mixed feelings. Sometimes, I felt it shouldn't be pursued. Other times, I felt I should consider it. So, I guess these are just my personal feelings and if it's meant to be, I'll find out when the brother decides whether he wants to proceed to discussions or not. At the moment, I feel very neutral about it.</div><div><br /></div><div>Khair, inshaAllah.</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-36699184227660035992011-01-09T07:52:00.000-08:002011-01-09T08:16:46.257-08:00Do Opposites Attract?I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!<div><br /></div><div>I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.</div><div><br /></div><div>Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P</div><div><br /></div><div>There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-10857757161209454332011-01-09T07:28:00.000-08:002011-01-09T07:50:58.480-08:00Pleasant SurpriseHappy New Year folks and all that. :D It's been a while that I had logged in and decided to make a post. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that people are still reading and commenting on my blog. It's going to take a while for me to go through them and approve them.<div><br /></div><div>I know I've been on a long break but I had also taken a break from the marriage search. Inshallah, I'm back and will share details of my journey as and when possible. :)</div><div><br /></div><div>Some of the comments, I've read and decided I should post a reply without publishing them for the sake of the poster.</div><div>1. In response to matrimonial sites charging money (you know who you are) - unfortunately there are very few sites that will not charge money while providing you a decent service. It obviously takes money, time, effort to run a site. Hosting profiles, people accessing them requires bandwidth which costs money. Plus, providing the users support or other features which requires a tech team along with designing the site so that it's user friendly. It all costs money. I think in that sense Baba Ali's site should be the best. He's upfront about his charges. It's specifically for Muslims. He's reasonable and mashaAllah a very decent and humble brother. I think it's okay to pay money when joining matrimonial sites but yes, if it's an Islamic site, then you should try to make sure that they are not a dating site & people you contact are willing to communicate within the boundaries of Islam. My only reason for not publishing your comment is because you seemed a little annoyed at the time so you may not generally use the same choice of words otherwise. Yet, I wanted to respond to you. I think your concern is a good one.</div><div><br /></div><div>2. To anonymous wondering about practicing/studying medicine while being married - I think it depends on you as a person. Marriage is a responsibility in of itself. I believe it's difficult to juggle marriage and studies. And even practicing medicine means you are in for a very busy initial phase which requires an extremely understanding partner. I think the best way to go about it is to speak to married dr.s. Preferably, I would delay marriage until you complete your studies since you are still quite young. Or some prefer to have a nikah but not a walima until they complete but that too is difficult since medicine is a very long course. Pray istikhara, speak at length to dr.s, your prospective spouse and your parents. Maybe even start medicine first, see how hectic your schedule is before you make a final decision. Either way, I wish you luck. Since you had shared your email, for your safety, I haven't approved the comment.</div><div><br /></div><div>If there was a way to edit comments, it would make things a lot easier. Anyone know how?</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-44922560652729460912010-10-20T06:35:00.001-07:002010-10-20T06:42:38.008-07:00Blogging BreakI know I've been away for a while now. I had a post written up in Ramadan but I decided to wait a while before posting it and now I do not feel the need for posting it at all.<br /><br />Alhumdulillah Ramadan went well and so did Eid. My family and I decided to go on a road trip which was really enjoyable. Off late I've been going through some things which I've decided I need to take a little time off from blogging & other things to sort out. I would appreciate you all keeping me in your duas.<br /><br />Jazakallah khair. :)single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-18487539420603678312010-08-10T22:11:00.000-07:002010-08-10T22:28:05.394-07:00Best Time Of The Year<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3494/3839122621_d8f12d693d.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 500px; height: 375px;" src="http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3494/3839122621_d8f12d693d.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><a href="http://www.flickr.com/people/39553261@N08/">Original uploader.</a><br /><br />Alhumdulillah, Ramadan is upon us and there is no better time than now to make duas and ask for a wonderful spouse and a happy marriage.<br /><br />So, Ramadan Mubarak folks. Make the best use of your time and I pray that Allah accept our duas and our fasts, keep our hearts filled with His remembrance and beautify our actions during this holy month. Ameen.<br /><br />Oh and just to add, Baba Ali's Half Our Deen finally went online last month.single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-69514921947284038942010-07-03T06:24:00.001-07:002010-07-03T06:27:41.977-07:00Blogging BreakI wanted to make a couple of posts before I went on a break but I won't be able to. InshaAllah I'll be back in August.<br /><br />Keep me in your duas. And if your comments are not getting published, it's because I didn't get a chance to do so. I'll try to be back as soon as possible.<br /><br />Take care. :)single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-62932640540645932132010-06-25T03:19:00.000-07:002010-06-25T03:59:20.521-07:00Facebook Friend Request<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd062307s.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 600px; height: 260px;" src="http://www.phdcomics.com/comics/archive/phd062307s.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a>A lot of times when getting to know each other, people exchange emails, phone numbers, wali information, etc. But a few decide to send add requests on facebook. <div><br /></div><div>I'm really not sure what to make of it. I usually dislike adding people I don't know even if it is someone I am communicating with for marriage. I'd rather not jump to being facebook friends. Yes, you can check out each other's friends and view photos they've uploaded and read through profile comments but isn't it better to get to know each other by <i>actually</i> communicating rather than spying on what they've been upto? Facebook is just too impersonal. People have the randomest conversations on it and many use it as a way to seem more popular. Much like twitter. Not saying these sites don't have their benefits. I'm just talking about people on average.</div><div><br /></div><div>I just find it weird when someone initiates communication and sends me a link to their facebook page simultaneously. Not the way I'd like to go about it. Only my fiance/husband is getting on that or people I trust. Not every brother I communicate with. But that's my perspective. Opinions?</div>single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-374292277971618660.post-72868651329670969732010-05-05T15:50:00.000-07:002010-05-05T16:40:38.505-07:00Choosing A Matrimonial SiteUntil recently, I never realized how many kinds of match making sites exist that cater to Muslims. However, on careful inspection some sites are not so "Islamic" than they appear to be. Some feature the words "halal dating" or "Muslim dating" which makes me feel very weird about the site considering they are oxymorons and proper Muslim owners be aware of that. Or at least those wanting to genuinely bring two people together for marriage wouldn't call their site a dating website just to attract attention.<br /><br />So how do we go about picking a site that is the best for us? Here's my take on it:<br /><br />1. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Know yourself</span> - This means that you have to understand your needs and what you are looking for. If you are a religious person who would prefer to be matched with like-minded sisters/brothers then perhaps shaadi.com is not the most ideal place. Although, it doesn't mean that you won't find such a sister/brother there but it simply means the chances are less likely. However, some of us are still building our imaan and perhaps we don't feel we are quite there yet and finding a site with extremely deeny people might feel intimidating, then definitely go for shaadi.com and the like. The only reason I'm mentioning shaadi.com is because there isn't a heavy focus on religion (or the Islamic perspective) because it caters to a variety of people.<br /><br />2. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Budget</span> - Not everyone who starts out on a website has the budget to start off as being a paid member. Most at least would like to try a site and have a look around before they decide to pay. It's a good idea to compare sites and see what the prices are like. Paid sites are usually better managed than free sites so you have more chances of having the staff get back to you when you have a problem. But most paid websites also allow you to be a member for free to test the site before you can make the leap into paid memberships. If this is not the case then it's a good idea to ask people who have experience with the service or contact the people in charge directly and ask if your money would be reimbursed if you aren't happy with their services.<br /><br />3. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Security/Safety</span> - This is extremely important especially since many of us will be sharing a great amounts of personal detail such as name, location, photos, phone number, etc. How the site uses this information and how it makes it available to other members is extremely important. How much control does one have over these is also important. It's a good idea to be cautious when sharing these details over the net. Regarding phone numbers, it's usually safer to give the number of your wali to drive away time wasters and players. Some sites watermark photographs & prevent right clicking in order to protect them from being downloaded even though someone can always download a picture if that's really their intention. Further protection is when you can choose who sees your photograph. It's always best to have a decent picture that you would not be ashamed off to show your family and relatives. Get the pictures approved through your family. Your picture is a reflection of you and the kind of image you'd like to portray.<br /><br />4. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Ease of use/features</span> - A lot of sites provide all kinds of features. It's important to assess what kind of service you will be getting, especially if it's something you are paying for. Are the features too complicated or the site takes too long to load or you end up having too many technical difficulties? It may not be the site for you because you'd just end up frustrated. Most important is the ease of communicating with other members. Free sites may allow the ability to communicate with other members free of charge or they may require one or both parties be paid members. If both parties are required to pay then it might be frustrating to communicate with members. An important feature is also a way to block members from contacting you. This may not seem like an important feature but it can be frustrating when you are constantly receiving messages from people who don't seem to get the hint or have become threatening for whatever reason. Does the site owner take any responsibility in these cases or is the site popularity more important? Another thing to assess is if you will be able to get the kind of information you require when looking at a member's profile. This can be things like whether a person gives importance to religion, salah, halal food, etc.<br /><br />5. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Members</span> - It's important to have an idea about the people using the services and who you will be communicating with. You can do so by using the search feature of the site and see if you like the kind of people on the site. Especially if you'd like to communicate with them. Joining and paying for a site where you don't see eye to eye with anyone doesn't make a lot of sense. However, there are a few sites that do not allow access to the members or search feature unless you join. This has it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantages being players will most likely not join, especially if it's a paid site because they aren't actually serious about the process. The disadvantages are you can't really see what kind of information or service you'll be getting nor if they have people you'd be interested in contacting. However, if the site is well known and/or not a new site then this would be a good risk to take.<br /><br />The combination of the above can really help you make a good decision to what site is best for you. But you can always join more than one site and compare features. It also opens up more doors to finding the person you are looking for. If you'd like to add any other things do share them with me. :)single4nowhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07129183381655781569noreply@blogger.com21