Wednesday, 20 June 2012

And My Journey Continues

It's been a while since I ended communications. Very strange person he turned out to be. When explanations  were asked for, the response was to run away from the questions and to turn around and question me. Fortunately, I received help from some good people in discovering these issues. Alhumdulillah, I was actually pretty relieved (and slightly amused) when I saw his reaction. I could tell he didn't expect me to discover the truth. I am concerned about the next person he communicates with as he would have learnt from his mistakes.

Since then, I've spoken to another brother since he seemed really nice and religious but it seems we've already run into a little problem. Completely different plans for the future including when he intends on getting married. For him, his goals are appropriate. For me, not so much. On the positive note, at least we're both being open about it. I'm not sure how we'll proceed as yet or if there's room for compromise.

So here I am and my journey continues... :)

11 comments:

y said...

salams,
sorry it didn't work out. just curious, when you said "he didn't expect me to discover the truth", what kind of thing did you mean by that? like issues regarding the 'past', like girlfriends or something?

also, another side question, is it a bad idea to talk about like possible divorce issues? i'm not asking because i think i'll get a divorce, but like i specifically wanted to see what she would think about child custody issues. i think that as long as the mother and father haven't been negligent or done something really immoral, they should have equal time with the children, but often times like the father doesn't get to see the kids but like for a weekend every two weeks, and i wanted to see if she would agree to equal time. not that i want to set up the marriage to fail by talking about divorce already, but i guess the children issue to me is too important to gamble with. i was wondering what was your opinion on the matter. thanks

Anonymous said...

Most muslim guys have found that the majority of Muslim women don't have a clue how to be a wife hence they divorce as much as non-muslims. So of a man can't find a loyal wife why not go for the prettier of the two(non-muslim)

Anonymous said...

Dear blogger,
I love your writing, and most interestingly: I'm in the same shoes...so I can feel how challenging it is to find the right person!
I'm currently talking to a Muslim guy (I'm not Muslim). Somebody else introduced him to me, a Muslim guy, and recently I came across their old conversation on his FB (he allows me to see who is in his FB account and similarly, I do not hide my stuff). The conversation is in Arabic, and I am dying to find out what exactly they are talking about in it...Dear, do you think you could look at it (I have a copy) and tell me a couple of words about it? I would appreciate it sooooo much....

Enchantedhijabi said...

hope all is well alhamdulilah?

Contemplating said...

A stranger passing by your blog, wondering if you have made progress in the marriage department?

I hope all is well you. Assalamu-alaikum :)

single4now said...

y - No, not girl friends. Basically lies related to work, etc. I had asked someone for advice and they went out of their way to check the accuracy of the statements made by the brother for which I was very grateful. Just shows that one should be very careful when it comes to marriage and definitely look into the person who are communicating with.

single4now said...

Anonymous #1 - That's a bit of a generalisation considering the same can be said for non-Muslim women or Muslim/non-Muslim men. However, what's interesting is that you believe that non-Muslim women are more worthy of marrying because they are superior in looks. Beauty is certainly in the eye of the beholder. But if that's your sole criteria then you will achieve what you made your intention for. The Messenger of Allah (saw) clearly stated that marry a woman for her deen else you shall be the loser.

single4now said...

Anonymous #2
I'm sorry for taking so long to reply. However, I couldn'nt have been of much help as my Arabic is still pretty poor. I hope you found someone else to help you. By the way, have you considered asking the person about it? Perhaps there's a reason why you decided not to ask him about it directly? Just something for you to think about. :)

single4now said...

Enchantedhijabi - alhumdulillah, yes. Jazakillah khair for asking. :D

single4now said...

Contemplating - thanking for checking up on me. My most recent post will answer your question, inshaAllah. Hope you are well. :)

Walaikum assalam.

single4now said...

y - I'm sorry I completely missed the second part of your question. Thought I read something about child custody and then I couldn't find the comment and thought I had deleted it by accident. How silly of me.

Getting to your question, I don't believe it's wrong to discuss these things and it doesn't mean you intend to divorce a person if you ask about such things prior to marriage. Especially since so many Muslims seem to be getting divorced. However, it might scare someone so I wouldn't recommend it be the first few things to discuss though just for that reason. Some people are just not ready to think about things in that much detail. I've had trouble talking to brothers about less serious matters and I don't know why. Oh well. If divorce and child custody is something that concerns you, you can even put it in your marriage contract about shared custody. Just pick an appropriate time to discuss it like when you know things are getting serious.

Hope that helps. :)