Friday, 1 June 2012

Getting Somewhere

A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?

So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D

Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)


AlabasterMuslim said...

Asalaamu alaikum
May allah subhana wa ta'ala grant you a pouis, handsome muslim husband! Ameen! I knew my husband for a short time before marriage ( about half a year) but right away asked all the questions i wanted, and continued to ask any time one popped into my head. I never waited for a 'right time'.

single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam,

Ameen and jazakillah khair. :)

Yes, I think 6 months is a good time to get to know someone. I don't want to rush into making a decision nor do I necessarily want to talk to someone for months. I want us to understand each other so we can make an informed decision.

When you were getting to know your husband, at what point did you find your mind at ease about marrying him?

Anonymous said...

so far i have had only one suitor funny right lol. anyways we spoke for like 3 months and ended it. within the first month i asked all the questions i had lol. but sometimes we would just ask each other random questions that pop up during discussions. i wanted just to comment on the you not being sure keep praying istikharah its the best answer. what happened with me is that i had this gut feeling telling me hes not the right one but i kept forcing myself thinking i was too complicated. listen to your inner self and pray istikhara. May Allah bless you with a pious husband and children

single4now said...

It's not strange if you've only had one suitor. I've been looking for quite a while but since I've been looking to get in touch with people via matrimonial sites, I have spoken to more people than I would have through my family. My parents actually don't really know many families with sons to marry. The ones they knew were much older to me and got married a long time back or my mother wasn't really keen about pursuing those. So they were fine with me looking online. So don't feel bad if you've had less suitors. And if you think a brother is worth pursuing, you should definitely approach him. Either through a friend, relative or parent.

When I started to speak to him, I didn't really feel good about it. I'm feeling more positive about it but not completely certain as yet. There are questions I want to ask without coming off as too strong and there are certain questions which are important to my parents and I'm not sure how best to bring it up. So you can say I'm being cautious.

Ameen to the dua and may Allah grant you the same. Ameen. :)

Tauqeer said...

I am sure somebody must have asked this before, but how it is okay to communicate with strangers (men) in private?

What about the concept of 'mahram' and 'non-mahram'?

single4now said...

I'll admit, it's not ideal but since I'm are only interacting via text, there is no physical interaction of any sort. It's better to have someone monitor exchanges preferably a wali.

If you want a proper response, you should ask a scholar.