Wednesday, 20 October 2010

Blogging Break

I know I've been away for a while now. I had a post written up in Ramadan but I decided to wait a while before posting it and now I do not feel the need for posting it at all.

Alhumdulillah Ramadan went well and so did Eid. My family and I decided to go on a road trip which was really enjoyable. Off late I've been going through some things which I've decided I need to take a little time off from blogging & other things to sort out. I would appreciate you all keeping me in your duas.

Jazakallah khair. :)

Tuesday, 10 August 2010

Best Time Of The Year

Original uploader.

Alhumdulillah, Ramadan is upon us and there is no better time than now to make duas and ask for a wonderful spouse and a happy marriage.

So, Ramadan Mubarak folks. Make the best use of your time and I pray that Allah accept our duas and our fasts, keep our hearts filled with His remembrance and beautify our actions during this holy month. Ameen.

Oh and just to add, Baba Ali's Half Our Deen finally went online last month.

Saturday, 3 July 2010

Blogging Break

I wanted to make a couple of posts before I went on a break but I won't be able to. InshaAllah I'll be back in August.

Keep me in your duas. And if your comments are not getting published, it's because I didn't get a chance to do so. I'll try to be back as soon as possible.

Take care. :)

Friday, 25 June 2010

Facebook Friend Request

A lot of times when getting to know each other, people exchange emails, phone numbers, wali information, etc. But a few decide to send add requests on facebook.

I'm really not sure what to make of it. I usually dislike adding people I don't know even if it is someone I am communicating with for marriage. I'd rather not jump to being facebook friends. Yes, you can check out each other's friends and view photos they've uploaded and read through profile comments but isn't it better to get to know each other by actually communicating rather than spying on what they've been upto? Facebook is just too impersonal. People have the randomest conversations on it and many use it as a way to seem more popular. Much like twitter. Not saying these sites don't have their benefits. I'm just talking about people on average.

I just find it weird when someone initiates communication and sends me a link to their facebook page simultaneously. Not the way I'd like to go about it. Only my fiance/husband is getting on that or people I trust. Not every brother I communicate with. But that's my perspective. Opinions?

Wednesday, 5 May 2010

Choosing A Matrimonial Site

Until recently, I never realized how many kinds of match making sites exist that cater to Muslims. However, on careful inspection some sites are not so "Islamic" than they appear to be. Some feature the words "halal dating" or "Muslim dating" which makes me feel very weird about the site considering they are oxymorons and proper Muslim owners be aware of that. Or at least those wanting to genuinely bring two people together for marriage wouldn't call their site a dating website just to attract attention.

So how do we go about picking a site that is the best for us? Here's my take on it:

1. Know yourself - This means that you have to understand your needs and what you are looking for. If you are a religious person who would prefer to be matched with like-minded sisters/brothers then perhaps is not the most ideal place. Although, it doesn't mean that you won't find such a sister/brother there but it simply means the chances are less likely. However, some of us are still building our imaan and perhaps we don't feel we are quite there yet and finding a site with extremely deeny people might feel intimidating, then definitely go for and the like. The only reason I'm mentioning is because there isn't a heavy focus on religion (or the Islamic perspective) because it caters to a variety of people.

2. Budget - Not everyone who starts out on a website has the budget to start off as being a paid member. Most at least would like to try a site and have a look around before they decide to pay. It's a good idea to compare sites and see what the prices are like. Paid sites are usually better managed than free sites so you have more chances of having the staff get back to you when you have a problem. But most paid websites also allow you to be a member for free to test the site before you can make the leap into paid memberships. If this is not the case then it's a good idea to ask people who have experience with the service or contact the people in charge directly and ask if your money would be reimbursed if you aren't happy with their services.

3. Security/Safety - This is extremely important especially since many of us will be sharing a great amounts of personal detail such as name, location, photos, phone number, etc. How the site uses this information and how it makes it available to other members is extremely important. How much control does one have over these is also important. It's a good idea to be cautious when sharing these details over the net. Regarding phone numbers, it's usually safer to give the number of your wali to drive away time wasters and players. Some sites watermark photographs & prevent right clicking in order to protect them from being downloaded even though someone can always download a picture if that's really their intention. Further protection is when you can choose who sees your photograph. It's always best to have a decent picture that you would not be ashamed off to show your family and relatives. Get the pictures approved through your family. Your picture is a reflection of you and the kind of image you'd like to portray.

4. Ease of use/features - A lot of sites provide all kinds of features. It's important to assess what kind of service you will be getting, especially if it's something you are paying for. Are the features too complicated or the site takes too long to load or you end up having too many technical difficulties? It may not be the site for you because you'd just end up frustrated. Most important is the ease of communicating with other members. Free sites may allow the ability to communicate with other members free of charge or they may require one or both parties be paid members. If both parties are required to pay then it might be frustrating to communicate with members. An important feature is also a way to block members from contacting you. This may not seem like an important feature but it can be frustrating when you are constantly receiving messages from people who don't seem to get the hint or have become threatening for whatever reason. Does the site owner take any responsibility in these cases or is the site popularity more important? Another thing to assess is if you will be able to get the kind of information you require when looking at a member's profile. This can be things like whether a person gives importance to religion, salah, halal food, etc.

5. Members - It's important to have an idea about the people using the services and who you will be communicating with. You can do so by using the search feature of the site and see if you like the kind of people on the site. Especially if you'd like to communicate with them. Joining and paying for a site where you don't see eye to eye with anyone doesn't make a lot of sense. However, there are a few sites that do not allow access to the members or search feature unless you join. This has it's advantages and disadvantages. The advantages being players will most likely not join, especially if it's a paid site because they aren't actually serious about the process. The disadvantages are you can't really see what kind of information or service you'll be getting nor if they have people you'd be interested in contacting. However, if the site is well known and/or not a new site then this would be a good risk to take.

The combination of the above can really help you make a good decision to what site is best for you. But you can always join more than one site and compare features. It also opens up more doors to finding the person you are looking for. If you'd like to add any other things do share them with me. :)

Sunday, 2 May 2010

Marriage Websites & Events

Just a list of match making sites I know of in no specific order. Share if you know more.

Very popular among Desis but because it's for different religions, the profile is not very specific for Muslims.

Similar to but perhaps less well known.

This site seems unique because they try to match people based on various factors and answers to questions. It has many Muslims on it apparently.

Specifically for Muslims. Free membership for women. Seems to be a really nice site.

Completely free for both genders. Has a simple layout.

Service provided by ISNA.






New site so membership for all is free.


A site by Baba Ali. Planned launch in 2010 so something to look forward to.

A site where all the information about a member is posted as a video. Interesting idea. What I disliked about the website is the owner never responded to my queries and that tells me they don't have a good service. But it might appeal to others.

There are a few others which I haven't mentioned because I feel they aren't very good sites either because of poor management or just have a bad reputation. If there are sites or services that you know of that have helped you, do mention them.

Wednesday, 28 April 2010


Pretty much everyone has heard of the phrase, "A friend in need is a friend indeed". You really get to know who your friends are when you ask them for help and they back out or make excuses. I generally don't go around testing my friends because I have a tendency to trust people easily, unless I get a bad vibe from them.

So from the last month or so I had been trying networking and a lot of people surprised me. Some in a good way, some not so good. Let's start with the good. I truly believe it's easier to help out a stranger than a person you know. We pretty much see it everywhere. People give in charity but don't spend on their own families. People smile at strangers while they wont talk to their parents. You get the picture. So I contacted a few sisters who I really didn't know too well and they were so sweet in helping me out and keeping their eyes open for me and even getting me in touch with a few brothers. MashaAllah. May Allah (swt) reward them for that! Ameen.

Then there were a few people who I know who are married sisters who didn't even bother trying. One of them I've helped quite a bit but when it came to me asking her to see if her husband has any single friends, she never got back to me. Every time I brought up the subject, she gave me some excuse. It shows the importance of keeping good company. Friends are great to talk to but they aren't necessarily good friends because when the time comes, they wouldn't really think of benefiting you in the process.

Khair, I think networking is a really good idea. People who are considering marriage should try to contact couples with marriages you'd like to have because "birds of a feather flock together"! Yes, I'm full of phrases and sayings today. :P So, they may know of someone who you are looking for. Get back to them regularly and ask for updates. You may never know until you try.

If there are any happily married sisters or brothers reading this, then please try to help out your single Muslim brothers and sisters as well. They may end up making dua for you every night and be the reason for forgiveness of your sins.

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Marriage Related Events & Topics

I know I've been MIA (Missing In Action) but I've been extremely busy. My time table is jam packed with so many things not to mention, the amount of things I have on my mind.

But this is not the end of this blog yet. :P

For now, I'm just going to share with you guys a few things related to the marriage topic:
1. Shaikh Yasir Qadi is starting an email course on the topic of intimacy in marriage:
It's for both sisters as well as brothers.

2. An article by a lifecoach on 3 Simple Steps To A Better Marriage:

3. Practimate will be starting a second round of class called "Find Your Mr. Right". You can get on the priority list by clicking here:

4. For brothers, I believe there is a class/program. For now, check out the blog:
I have to say the comments on the blog are very interesting. It's always nice to get the perspective of the other gender and see things through their eyes.

Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Simple Mistakes

As salaam walaikum everyone,

Sorry for the delay. Wanted to post this a while back but I didn't get time to finish writing it up.

I had recently heard about common mistakes people tend to make in their marriage profiles and decided to share some of that with you all. Generally, a good rule to follow is, if you dislike something in someone's profile, don't put it in yours. And similarly, if you like someone's profile/marriage resume, try to use a similar theme without copying it word for word. It has to be something that you can relate with and for it to be more personal, it should be in YOUR words.

So here goes:
1. Do NOT start with phrases like, "I don't know how to describe myself but..." or "It's hard to write about yourself but...". Sound confident and use this section wisely and to your benefit. The way you describe yourself is what's going to make someone read or skip over your profile to the next one.

2. Do NOT use too many negative statements like, "I hate when..." or "I DONT want the following...". It's a turn off. Concentrate on what you DO want.

3. When writing about yourself, do just that! Write about YOURself not the person you are looking for because this section is about who you are and what the person reading your profile will get if they marry you.

4. Writing more about what you want more than who you are and what you can give. AT THE LEAST, make the 2 sections equal in length. If you are asking for a lot, also share what you are willing to give.

5. Bad grammar, wrong spellings, extremely long sentences without punctuations, etc, all turn off people from reading your profile. If you are serious about marriage and want someone to like you, PUT AN EFFORT into your profile. And always proof-read or ask someone to do it on your behalf.

6. Writing extremely lengthy profiles and putting TOO MUCH information. You are not writing a book. Summarize if your profile is getting too long or people will skip your profile half way.

InshaAllah, these tips are good to get your started. :)

Saturday, 13 February 2010


When one is looking to get married, it's so easy to get lost into thoughts about what we want and what we do not. But it is also extremely essential that we think about what we can give to our other half, our better half, and try to start improving ourselves even before we find them. This way when we do find them, we are ready to give our best to the marriage.

For a while now, I've been reading articles, listening to webinars/seminars and Islamic books on marriage. Sometimes, things take a while to sink in and other times they sink in but take a while to be accepted and put into action. So, I've decided to put a conscious effort into making changes to be a better person, a better Muslim and inshaAllah, a better future wife. :)

And Valentine's day is here! Nope, I do not celebrate, but I thought it's a perfect topic for the supposed "season of love" or rather a season for a boom in businesses selling all things red, gold and diamond. :P

Friday, 5 February 2010


I was reading some comments on a website of girls and their experience in spouse hunting. One had written about asking questions, among which you don't simply ask if they've been with girls, but you also ask about guys. She said she's saying this based on her own experience. And it was shocking!

Generally, I don't delve into such details of the past but she really worried me. The last thing a guy who has homosexual feelings and relationships should do is consider marrying a girl to rid himself of those feelings. It's not something that having a wife can fix. Neither is it fair to the wife nor himself.

I have known situations where guys who claimed to be homosexual ended up being forced to marry a "beautiful" girl to "fix" him. But it never came to mind when searching for a spouse for myself until now. May Allah (swt) save us from such situations when looking for honest and good Muslim spouses to fulfill half their deen. Ameen.

Monday, 1 February 2010


As salaam walaikum,

For some reason I didn't get an email notification of a couple of comments but noticed they required moderation on the blog site. Generally I publish all comments unless they are meant to be read only by me or they are unrelated to any of the content on my blog. Alhumdulillah, so far I haven't got any rude comments which is great because it's a tough world to please and people don't always agree with what you say or do.

There are a few pros and cons to keeping comments moderated versus unmoderated. The cons specifically are that I don't always get to read and publish comments the same day and because of that most of you don't get to interact and respond to each others thoughts.

InshaAllah, I'll try to be quicker especially when I have made a new post. Do let me know if I have accidentally missed publishing your comments.

Religious But Not So Educated

When a parent looks for a spouse for their child, they expect to find one who is well educated (if the family is Desi that means Doctor, Engineer and such). Most guys looking to get married also look for a girl who is educated. What about those who are religious but have only studied till high school?

Girls can get away with a low level education to some extent as they'll simply get married and run the household. For guys, especially in this day and age, it can be extremely hard because they are the breadwinners and parents translate education into a secure and happy married life. They aren't completely wrong. So many family problems arise because of the issue of money. It's not unreasonable to think that a man with a good job will be able to take better care of his family than one who is just getting by. It feels unfair to the guys who are good Muslims though.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Lies & Deception

Many times, in order to present themselves as more attractive, people tend to lie about themselves to get married. This is probably the worst thing one can do in order to find a spouse.

Firstly, it's unIslamic and it's worse if you feel no guilt doing it. Secondly, it may get you married but what about when the lie comes out and you find yourself in the situation of a divorce? Thirdly, what exactly were you thinking?!

People who need to lie to get married, should probably not think about marriage. Would they want to marry someone who lies to them about who they are? Also, they need to think about what they'll achieve by lying. Usually, it's just a path to make themselves and their spouses miserable.

I've caught a couple of lies. One was the situation where I made istikhara and after a while I got to know the real person. The worst thing about that person was he defended his lies. Another time, I came across someone's profile who I know as an acquaintance and had lied on their profile. That's when it hit me that people lie on their profiles. It can be about their age, height, their residency status, their marital status and pretty much anything that can increase their chances of marriage. Some kinds of deception include simply presenting a different picture of themselves and pretending to be someone they are not just to make themselves seem more attractive. I understand that everyone wants to make themselves seem to be a good person but lying about things that are in no way true or exaggerating things unrealistically is not the way to go about it.

Before you fix anything or make ANY kind of decision, you SHOULD meet the person you like. Make sure the meeting includes the family and even friends if necessary. If the person hangs around with bad people, it's quite possible they aren't very good themselves. Ask a lot of questions because it'll help you get to know the person and their thinking.

I've heard of people going as far as hiring detectives to follow the person and I'm not quite sure about how useful that is. People are known to put up appearances in public. It can also be offensive to a person if they are genuine. I guess one should use that only in situations where they fear things are fishy or too good to be true and something is missing. If you have a gut feeling about something not being right, keep talking to the person till you feel better about it.

ALWAYS pray istikhara and ask Allah (swt) to help you make the right decision and move away if the person is not right for you. He (swt) is the only one who can reveal to you what no one else can possibly know, including the family.

Saturday, 23 January 2010

Communication Blues

(Yes, this post will be an end to the drought on my blog. For how long, I have no clue. Read on...)

Have you ever communicated with someone and tried to figure out what the are really trying to say? I tend to do that a lot. Because most people don't come out and say what they really mean. They tend to put things mildly or even be vague. Probably the worst thing they can do is try to avoid the question itself. It certainly doesn't help ease my mind about them. On the contrary, I feel more apprehensive about a person who hides things from me.

Then there are others who get stuck on one thing you've said and criticize or make fun of it (O.o oh yes, THAT'S going to impress me). I understand that two people may not always see eye to eye on every topic but there is a way to discuss these matters without offending the other person. It doesn't help when one person criticizes, realizes that it was offensive and then defends their actions or says they were joking. It happened to me recently. I was explaining what I am looking for (which were pretty much the qualities of a good Muslim and no physical aspects of a person) and I was criticized. That confused me. First, the guy went into defensive mode, saying this and that is why he said what he did even though I simply explained that these are qualities of a good Muslim and he accepted it. Then he immediately switched tracks saying he was simply joking. I felt I couldn't really live with someone I cannot even communicate with about simple things and had to end the conversation. At which point, he got offended because it was hurtful of me to want to end the matter there. Funny thing about that was that even though we politely bid each other farewell and luck, a minute later he picked up where we left off and continued to argue about what he said and my decision. The whole thing was so silly and a waste of time. All I could think of was to ignore him. I guess he was one of those guys who needed to have the last word.

When 2 people have an issue over the basic of things, it's better to leave matters and not get into an argument about it. Or at least that's my reasoning. Today, you may accept the difference but the problem will not go away after marriage. You'll still be holding onto the same ideals you did before marriage and when those ideals collide, it'll lead to arguments between the husband and wife. Either both are able to understand each other and come to a compromise or it's better to separate peacefully. But these kinds of things should be discussed prior to marriage so that it doesn't lead to any misunderstandings afterwards.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

No Time!

In case you all have been wondering why I haven't posted in a while, the simple answer is, I have no time. Or perhaps I'm an extremely bad planner.

I was thinking about my plan for this year and I have no time to hunt for a spouse and if by some miracle I find him, I have no time to get married. How unfortunate is that? The only way I can get everything I want done is to prioritize one thing over the other, delay a few things and such. But how much time do I set aside to look for a potential spouse? Some people say that you can look all you want but it'll happen when it's meant to happen and others say that you need to tie your camel if you want Allah (swt) to make things happen for you. Aren't these the exact opposite?

Also, looking for a husband/wife is not like going to a market, picking out who you like and bringing them back home with you. You may like someone and they may not like you or someone is interested in you but you aren't so interested in them for whatever reason. The entire process is time consuming. It's not that I don't want to get married right now but do I really put the rest of my life on hold because of it? Since, I haven't really had the time to look for someone, I didn't have anything to blog about. :P

I think perhaps I need to buy me Sheikh Muhammad Alshareef's time traveler package. But is it me or does that sound damn expensive? :(