Friday, 25 December 2009

Fastrack's Filthy Ads

Frankly, this has nothing to do with marriage. Lately, on Indian TV, they've been promoting stupidity in the name of an ad.

The ads are basically guys and girls talking about how they are cheating on one another and breaking up with them on a website. I thought THAT would be controversial. But when I went on the website, which is for watches & sunglasses (Confused? Well, their tag line is "move on"), they are holding a contest asking the public to create videos about breaking up with someone & moving on in real or fiction. :S All that for a chance to be on TV.

There are a few videos online already. So far, it seems it's all guys. Thankfully, the videos I saw were not as horrendous as the ads.

Check it out:

For people who think, living back home or in the middle east is better because there's less fitnah, think again. Fitnah is pretty much in every part of the world. I hate to think this will one day become part of the Desi culture.

Tuesday, 15 December 2009

Oh No You Didn't - Dealing With Strange Proposals

Have any of you ever been proposed to with absurd comments which make you wonder what the person was thinking when they decided to write them?

Recently I was greeted with "kisses". Thank goodness, it was only online. And another complained about how I was being choosy because I wanted someone around my age range (coz I don't think I'll be all that at ease marry someone around my dad's age - no joke) or perhaps it was the practicing Muslim part. Actually, many of these guys are offended if what you are looking for isn't them. And then I get asked something which I felt doesn't really reflect how a person practices religion. Although, this wasn't the bad part of his so called "proposal". Usually, it doesn't make a good impression if you start off your proposal to get to know someone with criticism.

Generally, I respond to everyone who writes to me, no matter how strange it sounds but I've started to get tired of the weird messages and have decided to avoid responding to many simply because I don't know HOW to respond. And I actually feel guilty because if I took the trouble to write to someone, I would at least hope to know if they are not interested.

I think the most unfortunate proposal was of someone with quite an inappropriate picture. I'm still unsure if it was put up purposely or unknowingly. The picture was taken in a studio and perhaps the photographer should have been more careful in the way he positioned his subject. Actually, that reminds me of a second brother's pic which also seemed inappropriate to me. I understand that guys are trying to attract their perspective spouses but it should be done within limits. Alhumdulillah, it's not too often that I come across such profiles/proposals.

Sounds funny. :P Read about it here. I wonder if the people being proposed along with hundred others to would find it weird. :P

Well guys and girls, I might be taking a little blogging break. I'll try to type up interesting things as and when they come to mind but it may not be as regular. Thank you for being such fantastic readers & commenters so far. :D InshaAllah, you'll be around to share more of your insight with me. :)

Wednesday, 9 December 2009

Handling Rejection

Pretty much anyone who has been spouse hunting has either rejected someone or has faced rejection themselves. I'm no different. But everyone seems to have their own way of dealing with rejection. For me, sure it feels bad at first but then you move on. But I also feel sad when I have to reject someone. I always try to be nice when doing it but sometimes that itself backfires.

Overall, I think I've come across 3 different reactions to the guys I've rejected.
1. The mature guys - mashaAllah, I feel the worst rejecting them because you know a person is decent if you reject them and they politely wish you luck in your search. Makes me think I should reject every guy I like (by which I mean I think he's a good Muslim) at least once just to see their reaction. ;) Oops, secret's out, can't try that.
2. The guys who don't understand "no" - no matter how polite you are or how direct you are or even if you write an essay about why you rejected them they don't get the picture. They persist. I guess they might be filmy or truly believe that persistence is the key to success. It's worse when they start to stalk you online. Add you to their facebook or keep sending you "islamic" forwards on your email. The kind that tell you to pass it to all your friends or Allah (swt) will be very displeased. Sigh. Most times, it's better to ignore them no matter what they send/write and eventually they give up. Blocking always comes in handy.
3. The "have to have the last word" guys - usually, they just like to say some random comment before they leave. Other times, it's just plain rude comments under the cloak of Islam. But if you respond back to clarify, they will not leave until it's they, who have had the last word. My suggestion for anyone who comes across these people, just get out of that conversation even if it means letting them have the last word. There's a hadith to support this as well. I believe it's along the lines of - the better Muslim is he who remains silent & refrains from arguing even though he is in the right. Do correct me if I'm mistaken.

InshaAllah, the brothers don't take offense. I've obviously only been talking to brothers in the context of marriage. Perhaps sisters can be placed in similar categories?

In searching for a pic on rejection, I also found a funny sentence in an article. :P

Do share your comments on your experiences & advice on the best way to reject someone. :)

Monday, 7 December 2009

Love Or Arranged Marriage?

Most westerners probably find it weird that grown up Asians (whether Muslims or non-Muslims) still need parental approval when it comes to marriage. And I can understand why they find it funny. But parents are our guide and it's always wise to seek their opinion in such an important matter and have them be a part of the entire process and not just as guests at the wedding.

When it comes to love or arranged marriages, usually both require parent's approval. In the case of Muslims, love and arranged marriages aren't really all that different. Either you find the person you like and then introduce them and their family to yours or your parents find you someone, you meet them and their family and see how you get along. Both have their benefits but which would you prefer and why?

Somehow, I prefer the idea of arranged marriage because it's less of a hassle to find someone yourself. Your parents do all the work and then you just have to accept or reject. :P In the case of love marriages, you do all the work of finding someone, perhaps falling in love with them and then risk losing them if your parents reject them or their family rejects you. The best way to avoid that is to have a good idea of who your parents consider a good match (usually parents see different things than their children). Although, it's even better if you can avoid the "love" bit until after everything is fixed. It'll also save you from shaitaan's trap of falling into something haram.

Also, if you like someone, get the parents involved before you end up liking them too much. If your parents are against it for whatever reason, you can end the matter then and there. :)