Wednesday, 9 November 2011


Eid Mubarak to my dear blog readers! I'm actually shocked at the number of people following my blog. I find it embarrassing even.

Lately, I've developed a distraction so I spend even less time searching for a soul mate than I actually want to or planned to. I actually didn't think it would be this difficult a process. But perhaps if it was this easy I would have shut down my blog months ago. The hardest thing is liking someone and them liking you back. And then your parents being happy with it. Parents are meant to be your guide and make sure you make the right choice but sometimes they just make it harder by adding in their own criteria. So right now the distraction helps me forget these issues. This is going to take a while.

Sunday, 25 September 2011


A while back I started communicating with a brother. Everything seemed fine but I just didn't feel excited over it. I can't really explain why. At times I felt like it seemed too good to be true which should normally make one happy but I didn't feel it. It's normal for me to not get attached to any of the people I speak to. Nor do I usually get upset over things not working out. At least it doesn't overwhelm me. And I like it that way.

With this brother, I felt we should get to know each other a little bit first before involving pictures and base my reaction and desire to move ahead on his personality and if there's any connection. I was starting to sound pessimistic in my head without any real reason and I was beginning to wonder if those are just fears. After discussing some of the things that are important to me, I decided to move ahead and exchange pictures. Now here's the problem, I'm not attracted to him. Further more things he said initially that he was flexible about are sounding more rigid and the opposite of what I'm looking for. So I'm beginning to wonder if he just wanted to appear flexible to make a good impression but in fact we really want different things.

I've prayed istikhara and a friend mentioned that perhaps my feelings are the answer to my istikhara. On one hand I'd feel guilty if I reject him purely for the attraction factor. Or we may not actually be right for each other. Do I pursue it further or do I cut it short early?

It's unlike me to seek suggestions on my blog but I also have other things on my mind so I may not be making the best decision on my own. Will keep everyone updated.

Thursday, 22 September 2011

Belated Eid Mubarak!

Belated Eid mubarak to everyone! Hope you all had a good Ramadan too. Alhumdulillah, mine was really good. I managed to get more things done than I had planned, deen wise. I had put almost everything else on hold. Last year, the case was completely the opposite. I was completely swamped and felt like I missed out. But so far this yr has been going really well. And I pray the case is the same for you all.

Well, that explains my absence last month. This month I had a minor health issue so I was a little preoccupied with that. Alhumdulillah, nothing serious.

I have a blog post developing in my mind since last night. Only problem is my thoughts move faster than I can type and by the time I get them down, they don't flow as well. However, since it's something I need advice on, the post should be up soon. Does this post pique your curiosity? I hope so. :D

Wednesday, 20 July 2011


I'm quite amazed that even though I took a rather long break from my blog, I'm still getting comments. It's so nice to hear people can relate to what you are going through. Makes you feel that you aren't alone.

One of the reasons I took a break from blogging was because I had no real insight to share on the marriage front. I can't constantly be on the hunt because of the kind of proposals I was getting were starting to annoy me. I used to make a habit of responding to every person even if I was going to reject them because I would want to know if someone is interested in me or not. But after a while even rejecting people becomes frustrating.

Since I'm here, I might as well answer the questions I got via comments. Firstly as salaamualaikum/walaikumas salaam to all!

The Good Daughter - mashaAllah! That's great. I think a few pictures initially should be enough to determine if you find a person attractive or not so it's great that your fiance didn't require a lot of pictures. And as for the chat, it never happened so alhumdulillah. :) I've even forgotten who I was speaking about. lol.

Patricia - Agreed. Looks shouldn't be the priority. Looks fade so I find it strange if the only thing a man mentions is that he thinks I look good and is satisfied with that to marry me. And yes, I find it really uncomfortable when a guy becomes casual and starts referring to me as dear, love, etc. It might nromal for him to speak that way to other girls as well. To me that's a problem with boundaries. Terms of endearment are fine after marriage or with family, not every member of the opposite gender that you may get married to. But that's just my take on it.

hijabi.sailoress - good tip. ;)

Anon 1 - how do I handle rejections? Well, since I don't get attached to any of my "suitors" (taking someone's suggestion :D) I don't get offended by them rejecting me. Well, you feel bad for a bit. But then you move on. You can't be completely detached so it's okay to feel upset. Just don't let it get to you to the extent that you feel miserable about it. When its meant to happen, it will.

Anon 2 - lol, that is an odd request for advice since I'm still single. If there is no mosque near you to get to know people and form connections, then I'd suggest looking online. But beware of certain "islamic" websites. I'd go for the popular ones like or (latter is a decent priced option). But there's nothing and no one who can assure you that you'd find your mate. You have to speak to a lot of people and inshallah you'll find her. If you do go the online route, make sure you fill a decent amount of info in the sections about you and who you are looking for. Blank profiles don't really help.

Soulseek - same old. But thanks for the advice. :) It's always great to hear a male perspective.

Anon 3 - or he's chatting with a bunch of girls at a time so he's deciding who he likes best while to talks to a bunch of them. Just a thought but not necessarily the case.

CATGIRL - suitors it is. lol. I am not sure what you mean about teachers, please elaborate?

I can't promise that I'm back. I've been busy with other stuff I've taken up. Plus Ramadan is just around the corner but I'll try to keep posting updates. Keep me in your duas. :)

Friday, 15 April 2011


Last month I started to communicate with a brother who seemed quite interested in me. He seemed fine but I didn't seem to be getting actual answers from him when I was trying to get to know him. His responses were quite general and short. It didn't really feel normal. Then he wanted to jump from mails to messengers and I wasn't sure if he's really serious. I decided to take a chance and give it to him anyway hoping the faster communication will help. And now he has disappeared. I found that a little funny. Perhaps he got too impatient even though I had a genuine reason for a delay in responding.

In the mean time, another brother got in touch with me (he requested my email) and he also seemed quite interested but I think my questions have scared him because he hasn't answered any. They weren't even scary questions. lol. I'm not sure how people get to know each other if they don't ask or expect to get asked questions? We had some small talk in between and I went with it because I wanted him to feel at ease while communicating with me. Now he wants see more pictures of me. I guess men make majority of their decisions based on looks. But all I want to know is if we are even compatible.

This process is getting weirder day by day. lol.

Friday, 11 March 2011

Cheesy Conversations

It's hard to take men seriously when they say cheesy things in their messages. Sometimes it's annoying and other times it makes me laugh at them. I know this sounds bad but imagine a guy calling a girl "princess" or a girl calling a guy "hunk" during a serious communication about marriage. It's sounds so silly and weird and unnecessary. And it makes you wonder if these people are even serious or is this something they say to every person they speak to. Is it their ice breaker because they have nothing relevant to speak of and have no idea what they are looking for?

I've been contacted by such people for a while now but sometimes people just go over the top and this one particular person just landed straight into dreamland. His message to me was just so damn cheesy, I can't consider him as a serious potential anymore. I don't even know how to respond. It's so ridiculous. I'm stumped.

Friday, 4 March 2011

Considering Someone Younger

Islamically, there's nothing wrong with the husband being younger since Prophet Muhammad (saw) and Khadija (ra) had an amazing marriage together irrespective of their age but they were both amazing people themselves. Extremely mature and level headed.

Recently I started speaking to a brother and we haven't had many conversations or a proper one for that matter but it's only yesterday that I realized that he's younger to me. It puts our conversations into perspective since realizing this fact. I don't think I've made the best impression myself because I felt he was too laid back and I'm getting the feeling he's not really interested even though he initiated the communication. Maybe I'm reading it wrong and he feels it's better to not be too formal. I'm still a little unsure of the right balance. Being formal just seems the safer route for me. Plus it translates your seriousness in the matter.

For now, I'm considering to judge him based on his personality and see if we can be compatible or if he's truly not serious about marriage.

Friday, 14 January 2011

And That Is That

I can't say it turned out negative. I'm a little confused on what to make of it. But perhaps more than me the brother is confused and perhaps a little apprehensive about marriage or it's discussion with just anyone. I can understand that because I'm beginning to realize, not everyone can be sensitive about the issue. Not even people you call friends or those you consider mature. They start arguing to you about right and wrong instead of trying to understand your dilemma.

Khair, on to other prospects. :)

Thursday, 13 January 2011

Non-Religious Professionals

While going through a bunch of online profiles of professionals in the same field as me as well as other fields, I was surprised to find how many of them don't pray salah on a regular basis. It's disappointing.

Sunan at-Tirmidhi (Jami-al-Tirmidhi) Chapter No: 1, Taharah (Purification)
Hadith no: 4
Narrated: Jabir bin Abdullah
narrated that Allah's Messenger (SAW) said,"They key to paradise is the salah and the key to the salah is ablution." [Ahmed14668]

Is it necessary to compromise your deen in order to have a great career? Or to even do well in it? Or it just the way the world works now? A dedicated worker cannot be a family man/woman, actively working on their imaan and leading a healthy lifestyle? If we have to give up one thing to accommodate another, I have to wonder who made up these rules in the first place.

Wednesday, 12 January 2011


As an update, I asked another brother to mediate and see if he can get the feel of how the brother feels about marriage and if he would consider communication. As luck would have it, they haven't had a chance to speak as yet so I'm still waiting. I don't want things to be rushed yet I'd rather I know asap if it's a no.

I've tried praying istikhara and I have been having completely mixed feelings. Sometimes, I felt it shouldn't be pursued. Other times, I felt I should consider it. So, I guess these are just my personal feelings and if it's meant to be, I'll find out when the brother decides whether he wants to proceed to discussions or not. At the moment, I feel very neutral about it.

Khair, inshaAllah.

Sunday, 9 January 2011

Do Opposites Attract?

I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!

I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.

Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P

There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.

Pleasant Surprise

Happy New Year folks and all that. :D It's been a while that I had logged in and decided to make a post. But I was pleasantly surprised to find that people are still reading and commenting on my blog. It's going to take a while for me to go through them and approve them.

I know I've been on a long break but I had also taken a break from the marriage search. Inshallah, I'm back and will share details of my journey as and when possible. :)

Some of the comments, I've read and decided I should post a reply without publishing them for the sake of the poster.
1. In response to matrimonial sites charging money (you know who you are) - unfortunately there are very few sites that will not charge money while providing you a decent service. It obviously takes money, time, effort to run a site. Hosting profiles, people accessing them requires bandwidth which costs money. Plus, providing the users support or other features which requires a tech team along with designing the site so that it's user friendly. It all costs money. I think in that sense Baba Ali's site should be the best. He's upfront about his charges. It's specifically for Muslims. He's reasonable and mashaAllah a very decent and humble brother. I think it's okay to pay money when joining matrimonial sites but yes, if it's an Islamic site, then you should try to make sure that they are not a dating site & people you contact are willing to communicate within the boundaries of Islam. My only reason for not publishing your comment is because you seemed a little annoyed at the time so you may not generally use the same choice of words otherwise. Yet, I wanted to respond to you. I think your concern is a good one.

2. To anonymous wondering about practicing/studying medicine while being married - I think it depends on you as a person. Marriage is a responsibility in of itself. I believe it's difficult to juggle marriage and studies. And even practicing medicine means you are in for a very busy initial phase which requires an extremely understanding partner. I think the best way to go about it is to speak to married dr.s. Preferably, I would delay marriage until you complete your studies since you are still quite young. Or some prefer to have a nikah but not a walima until they complete but that too is difficult since medicine is a very long course. Pray istikhara, speak at length to dr.s, your prospective spouse and your parents. Maybe even start medicine first, see how hectic your schedule is before you make a final decision. Either way, I wish you luck. Since you had shared your email, for your safety, I haven't approved the comment.

If there was a way to edit comments, it would make things a lot easier. Anyone know how?