Friday, 14 June 2013

Pet peeve

I sometimes think I'm way too nice and let men dictate the speed at which we get to know each other. Some men are too slow in responding so I end up waiting for them to respond at their convenience. While some are just too eager in moving to the next stage when I am not convinced that we are compatible. I am too polite to keep repeating myself so I have to decide way too early whether I want to move ahead or just end communications there.

I was contacted by an eager suitor who wanted to jump to calling me and I refused stating that I want to stick to emails and see if understand each other. After answering only 4 of the 7 questions I asked him, he felt we know each other well enough to move to voice chat/calling. Worst part is when he skipped one of the questions, I repeated it and he ignored it a second time stating we need to voice chat. And now all I want to do is stop the conversation there because I think it's a little ridiculous for me to repeat myself when we've only spoken a short while.

I guess I can tell what a problem communicating with this person will be like if we were to actually get married. So it's probably for the best to leave things here.


contemplating said...

I had a similar experience once way back when I first started using a matrimonial site. If I remember correctly i based my decision to cut the communication short when the potential decided to ignore my questions even after i highlighted that he didn't answer and after repeating it!

I'm inclined to say give your potential/s a chance or two and then decide your best course of action.

I'm generally a patient person but when it comes to communicating with potentials, my patience seems to set itself a limit :(

inshaAllah all will be well with you :)

saadi said...

Dear sister,

Salam, Hope that you are in good health and doing well. In my opinion the problem you discussed in recent blog arises because of difference in maturity levels. In my case I left everything on her choice and it took no longer than 2 months to completely know each other. Btw in an older blog on Love or Arranged marriage (Posted on Monday, 7 December 2009) you said:

"Somehow, I prefer the idea of arranged marriage because it's less of a hassle to find someone yourself. Your parents do all the work and then you just have to accept or reject. :P In the case of love marriages, you do all the work of finding someone, perhaps falling in love with them and then risk losing them if your parents reject them or their family rejects you. The best way to avoid that is to have a good idea of who your parents consider a good match (usually parents see different things than their children). Although, it's even better if you can avoid the "love" bit until after everything is fixed. It'll also save you from shaitaan's trap of falling into something haram."

Why don't you give it a try and tell your parents whatever you wish your future husband to be. You can make it even batter by communicating with that suitor after your parents present him to you. If he passes your criteria and you feel that things can work out between you two, it will save you from a big problem (as you know chances of getting parents approval after choosing someone on your own, are one in a million).

Don't know why but I'm kinda getting a feeling that you my sister, are really exhausted and getting tired of this search for an ideal husband. Maybe you should try something different.

Take care behna,


single4now said...

contemplating - I believe he wasn't interested just as I suspected. He moved on without reading my reply. Just as well really.

saadi - walaikum assalam. My parents don't have too many contacts which is why I've been doing it on my own with my parents' permission. I have also asked a friend of mine to help. She did bring forward a proposal but the family seem very cultural which is not something I'm interested in.