Tuesday, 9 March 2010

Simple Mistakes

As salaam walaikum everyone,

Sorry for the delay. Wanted to post this a while back but I didn't get time to finish writing it up.

I had recently heard about common mistakes people tend to make in their marriage profiles and decided to share some of that with you all. Generally, a good rule to follow is, if you dislike something in someone's profile, don't put it in yours. And similarly, if you like someone's profile/marriage resume, try to use a similar theme without copying it word for word. It has to be something that you can relate with and for it to be more personal, it should be in YOUR words.

So here goes:
1. Do NOT start with phrases like, "I don't know how to describe myself but..." or "It's hard to write about yourself but...". Sound confident and use this section wisely and to your benefit. The way you describe yourself is what's going to make someone read or skip over your profile to the next one.

2. Do NOT use too many negative statements like, "I hate when..." or "I DONT want the following...". It's a turn off. Concentrate on what you DO want.

3. When writing about yourself, do just that! Write about YOURself not the person you are looking for because this section is about who you are and what the person reading your profile will get if they marry you.

4. Writing more about what you want more than who you are and what you can give. AT THE LEAST, make the 2 sections equal in length. If you are asking for a lot, also share what you are willing to give.

5. Bad grammar, wrong spellings, extremely long sentences without punctuations, etc, all turn off people from reading your profile. If you are serious about marriage and want someone to like you, PUT AN EFFORT into your profile. And always proof-read or ask someone to do it on your behalf.

6. Writing extremely lengthy profiles and putting TOO MUCH information. You are not writing a book. Summarize if your profile is getting too long or people will skip your profile half way.

InshaAllah, these tips are good to get your started. :)

15 comments:

Chiara said...

These are excellent tips for most "applications" and even face to face encounters where manners, demeanor, and appearance take the place of the written presentation part.

In fact focusing on what you want as opposed to what you don't want is more likely to see you achieve that goal. Basic cognitive-behavioural psychology one can practice on oneself.

Helpful post! (in my case generalized to other situations LOL :) )

Sorry to have been in absentia, family concerns have kept me from commenting here as much as I would like--but I have everything on Google Reader and will go back to comment on older posts. I will include references that you asked for on marriage counselling as they come up.

Nice to be back here and in the pink and blue again (the symbolism of which just struck me --duh!LOL :) )

single4now said...

Chiara! I have so much to learn from you about that! Perhaps I shall email you soon with all my "doubts" and queries. :P

You know, I didn't think about the the pink and blue combination until just now! :o

Chiara said...

Looking forward to the email! :)

Imperfect Stepford Wife said...

But it's so interesting that we use words such as "simple" mistakes, I mean marriage could be the most important thing in a woman or man's life and yet there are things that we do that could turn off a potentially great match.

On the other hand, mu hubby believes that Allah brings people together and that if it is not meant to be then it will not be.

The idea of mistakes however should be considered more as "habits". Cross-culturally a mistake could mean many different things.

My 2 cents a usual.

single4now said...

Lately, I keep hearing from Sheikhs that there are many unmarried Muslims and we need to "tie our camel" instead of hoping the right person will just enter our lives and we'll know. Basically, be more proactive. A person may be meant for us but we also have to make the effort. As for someone not meant for us, we still have to make the effort and THEN if it doesn't work out, we can say, alhumdulillah. Something better is in store for us, inshaAllah.

With regards to a profile/resume, I think it's more to do with inexperience with such things. It's like a person who has never written a CV before yet wants to impress. Although, some people still end up writing useless information and such. So, we all need to put an effort into our marriage profiles for the same reason. Get feedback from people who are good at writing or have done this before and have been successful.

Again, it depends on the level of importance a person gives to their own profile. Generally you can make that out by the effort one puts in to these things. :)

y said...

Salam,

These tips all sound good to me. Sometimes, when people give tips on writing your profile, or 'presenting yourself' to a potential, I get the impression that they are asking us to be deceptive, like they tell us to accent our good features and present ourselves in a way that the other person would like. That sounds bad to me, like that is basically painting an alluring but slightly dishonest picture of yourself to the other person. But these tips are fine I believe, since you're not advising anything like that here.

KAV-Z said...

I agree with point 5. Its a pet peeve of mine and a friend of mine. An extra 5 minutes sorting out vocabulary and grammar cannot do harm!
It just goes to show that some people are not willing to make the effort or just lazy ( or dyslexic..but i am sure they would have said so if they were)

single4now said...

y - I'm glad you thought so. :)

KAV-Z - Right. I also feel people are lazy in that regard. I'm not sure why though. If they are really keen on getting married, they'd obviously want to present themselves in the best way. And it reflects on them personally.

KAV-Z said...

by chance...my sister came across a brothers profile on singlemuslim...

mashallah! what a profile it was! ticked all the right boxes! his future wife is very lucky!

single4now said...

^ MashaAllah, that's rare. She should grab him in that case and start communicating immediately. :D

Usman said...

WOW!
It is a very interesting and amusing blog. But wait, why should I follow your suggestions given that the person who is suggesting hasn't got any success in finding life partner.

Salaam from Canada!

single4now said...

lol, good question. Obviously you don't have to follow them if you are happy with the way you are. That's why they are suggestions. The first step to finding the right person for marriage is presenting yourself well. But getting married involved a number of factors. My personal reasons, I do not plan on sharing on the blog nor anything that can personally identify the people I comunicate with, but I can say that I've spoken to plenty of brothers because they liked what they read, alhumdulillah. But eventually we discovered we were looking for different things and ended conversations in a respectful manner. Finally, we do our best and our faith is in the hands of Allah (swt). If Allah (swt) wills then it will happen. :)

Hope that answers your question. :)

Walaikum as salaam.

single4now said...

involves*

Usman said...

Well, I was not trying to dig your private life. Just wondering that you should have succeed in your search given the excellent understanding you have in such matters.

And, Yeah, one thing, knock off this "brother". I mean it looks bizarre when you use it while looking for your partner :)

Cheers!

single4now said...

Perhaps it's really a combination of factors but I believe whatever Allah (swt) does is for the best. I'm a better Muslim today than I was yesterday and hope to be a better Muslim tomorrow than I am today. Everything will happen according to it's prescribed time. One just does their best and leaves the rest to Allah (swt).

As for the "brother" bit. I like it but obviously I'm not going to use it for my husband. :P A lot of Muslims use the phrase brother and sister, because it implies brother and sister in Islam as I'm sure you are aware of. I just prefer the term instead of guy or man. To teach his/her own?