Saturday, 13 February 2010


When one is looking to get married, it's so easy to get lost into thoughts about what we want and what we do not. But it is also extremely essential that we think about what we can give to our other half, our better half, and try to start improving ourselves even before we find them. This way when we do find them, we are ready to give our best to the marriage.

For a while now, I've been reading articles, listening to webinars/seminars and Islamic books on marriage. Sometimes, things take a while to sink in and other times they sink in but take a while to be accepted and put into action. So, I've decided to put a conscious effort into making changes to be a better person, a better Muslim and inshaAllah, a better future wife. :)

And Valentine's day is here! Nope, I do not celebrate, but I thought it's a perfect topic for the supposed "season of love" or rather a season for a boom in businesses selling all things red, gold and diamond. :P


SoulSeek said...

Excellent post.

I think this is one of the most crucial aspects in getting married. A lot of people believe they will drop certain habits/traits when they get married but that couldn't be further from the truth.

It's an Islamic obligation to constantly reflect and better ourselves, more so with the intent of getting married.

I've personally taken drastic measures and I'm reaping the rewards for doing so. Learning to be humble, patient - compromise in situations even though your way may be right.

We only have to look at the best example of mankind. Muhammed(saw) - this guy was unbelievable, ah where do I start. We must also be realistic when setting out to achieve a specific goal.

Doing a small deed often is better than a large irregular deed.

y said...

"When one is looking to get married, it's so easy to get lost into thoughts about what we want and what we do not."

yeah, that's a good point. It seems to me that we often like to demand things, or that we feel we are entitled to things that we don't even deserve. Like, if we're looking to get married to some great person who will be faithful, modest, and who follows moral rules very strictly, then we have to ask ourselves if we do the same thing. If we are not modest or moral people, then we don't deserve one either. You made a good point about consciously trying to become a better person in the next paragraph. We all have to examine ourselves and make sure we deserve a good, moral person by being one ourselves.

About valentine's day, i think a lot of couples have decided not to celebrate it, because of the huge expectations put on that day. like, people feel bad if someone else gets or gave a bigger bouquet of flowers or some other gifts. like, its almost like a competition or something. I think it would be better for people to decide not to celebrate valentine's day, and instead, spread out whatever they were going to do on that day to some other days.

I think it's also important to remember that being married isn't going to last forever. Like, in 60 or 70 years, we'll all probably be dead anyways, and then the marriage is over. Not saying its not important, but there are other things far more important, i guess.

single4now said...

Soulseek - Nice to have you posting again. Thanks for dropping by. And yes, patient, compromising, supportive, kind and one way to build these qualities is to practice it with people around us. These things don't come automatically. Each and everyone of us have to work on them. Some things are easier for some than others. As long we make the intention and put in the effort, we can make changes happen, inshaAllah.

y - I think one of the reason why people have so many expectations from Valentine's Day is because many couples don't pay attention to each other or show affection or that they care about each other everyday of their lives so the expectation increases on days like birthdays, anniversaries and valentine's where people try to make time for each other and do things to make each other feel special. Plus, businesses want to capitalize on this occasion so there are ads to push people into spending to show affection. Sure it's nice to get gifts and such but I don't think there would be a need to celebrate these days if we followed the examples of our Prophet (saw) and his wives (ra). Plus, sometimes simple things can make a person happier than buying gifts.

Texan in UAE said...

Your in my duas. insha'a'Allah. May Allah give you a pious husband ameen

just stumbled upon your nice blog. Following you. Please come visit mine. :)

single4now said...

Ameen. Jazakillah khair for the lovely dua. :D Will definitely drop by yours. :D

y said...

Salam, now says on its website that they will be open for business in June of this year, just to let you guys know.

single4now said...

Awesome. InshaAllah, this time everything will go smoothly. :D

Jazakallah khair for sharing. :)

Adib said...

Assalaamu'alaikum ukhti.
As I mentioned in my reply to a sister in my blog that although it's true that we need to learn to be responsible before getting married, it doesn't mean that we shouldn't strive to get married as early as possible. A sickness creeping into some cultures is that you put full concentration in education first, get a good stable income, then only do you begin working on your character and piety in order to get married. To me that's going to cause a lot of corruption. In the early ages, not everyone is going to pass the test of controlling one's Nafs and put full concentration in education. Especially if they're not working towards piety and good akhlaq.

Love and relationship really does seem like a subject that one can never get bored about. Looking forward to your next posts, inshaAllah. :)

single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam,

Jazakallah khair bro for dropping by a comment. You've brought up an interesting topic but the only issues that people face are:
1. Parents who insist on their children completely education prior to marriage.
2. The brothers and sisters not feeling they are ready to get married, whether it is emotionally or mentally.

However, my post doesn't really talk of delaying marriage but just working on ourselves while we are looking for a prospective spouse. :)

Chiara said...

I agree that focusing on being one's best self is a key to happiness and success in any endeavour, including simply living a better life single or married. Genuine shifts in one's outlook and behaviour usually bring dramatic changes in real relationships and opportunities. A friend who specializes in helping high level executives find new and better career positions believes a 20% change in oneself brings about an 80% change in desired results.

single4now said...

^ I heard that 20 - 80 rule recently! MashaAllah, what does it take to have a career like your friend? :P

Chiara said...

A BSc in general science, lab tech positions, full time corporate wife, major depression-psychiatrist recommended work, used hub's connections, then after 20 years of marriage he very publicly has ANOTHER affair, divorce, need to work fulltime, and HUGE ability to SHMOOZE!

LOL :)

Stick to medicine.

single4now said...

LOL! Okay, I guess I will. :P

era said...

Speaking of reflection I have recently realized (just 2 days ago in conversation) that I am attracted to so called "losers" (guys with no money, low education, not that great look) either its a way of making me feel good (kinda like what guys do buy marrying a girl who is less educated, les career than him) or because I figure they are less likely to hurt me because well "I am the best they can do". But then again things don't workout because there is a reason why everything in their life is a mess and I am no exception.

But I have found myself willing to give chance to guys who are less stable then guys who are already stable. Maybe it is because of all the rejection I have gone thru I am setting my sight lower & getting into different kind of rejection or maybe I am just crazy.

Isn't this what reflection is all about

single4now said...

Era - Well, yes, it's definitely a reflection but not exactly what I was trying to explain. It's common that we expect things from others but forget to improve ourselves.

As far as considering "losers" as you've called them, I would be very cautious. You've already realized that there's a reason why things in their life is a mess. Remember that the goal is not to achieve the status of being married but so that you can concentrate on the other half of your deen. Always give importance to their deen and character. Try to find someone who has your best interest at heart along with being a good Muslim and ask them to be present/monitor communcations that you have with any brothers so that you wont be at a loss in the end.