Wednesday, 28 April 2010


Pretty much everyone has heard of the phrase, "A friend in need is a friend indeed". You really get to know who your friends are when you ask them for help and they back out or make excuses. I generally don't go around testing my friends because I have a tendency to trust people easily, unless I get a bad vibe from them.

So from the last month or so I had been trying networking and a lot of people surprised me. Some in a good way, some not so good. Let's start with the good. I truly believe it's easier to help out a stranger than a person you know. We pretty much see it everywhere. People give in charity but don't spend on their own families. People smile at strangers while they wont talk to their parents. You get the picture. So I contacted a few sisters who I really didn't know too well and they were so sweet in helping me out and keeping their eyes open for me and even getting me in touch with a few brothers. MashaAllah. May Allah (swt) reward them for that! Ameen.

Then there were a few people who I know who are married sisters who didn't even bother trying. One of them I've helped quite a bit but when it came to me asking her to see if her husband has any single friends, she never got back to me. Every time I brought up the subject, she gave me some excuse. It shows the importance of keeping good company. Friends are great to talk to but they aren't necessarily good friends because when the time comes, they wouldn't really think of benefiting you in the process.

Khair, I think networking is a really good idea. People who are considering marriage should try to contact couples with marriages you'd like to have because "birds of a feather flock together"! Yes, I'm full of phrases and sayings today. :P So, they may know of someone who you are looking for. Get back to them regularly and ask for updates. You may never know until you try.

If there are any happily married sisters or brothers reading this, then please try to help out your single Muslim brothers and sisters as well. They may end up making dua for you every night and be the reason for forgiveness of your sins.


Chiara said...

I agree networking is a good idea, and many people meet their spouses through friends and relatives. Some people get burned after setting someone up or introducing them, and swear off it again. Also rivalries and jealousies can take hold, or one member of the couple doesn't want the other matchmaking.

Sometimes acquaintances are better at this anyway, as you have found out.

I hope you persist in networking, it is a good idea generally.

NidalM said...

Great to see you back single4now :)

And I hear ya on the whole people close to you helping you less. It is possible though that this has more to do with social pressure than malice of any kind. For example, it's so easy giving money to someone who you see on the street, but it gets very uncomfortable giving it to a relative in need. One would be willing to give more to the relative, but the right social conditions need to be in place for that to happen.

And when it comes to networking and asking someone to keep a lookout, it's highly important that you too trust the person looking for you. Maybe they have their own angles?

On a recent trip to Pakistan, it was strange when I found so many people wanting to hook me up with their friends' daughters, far off relatives and so on. To the point where it made me question why people enjoy hooking others' up so much. Perhaps they really want to be able to say "those two met through me"? I haven't really figured that one out yet :P

single4now said...

Chiara - Yes, I guess it can be a bit intimidating hooking people up especially if it ends up not working out. And I guess jealousy can also be a part of it. Although, I'm not sure why this specific girl (who I know personally btw) would be jealous.

Nidal - Nice to see you commenting here again. Although, my presence will be short lived. Busy busy month ahead.

I guess with money it might be that there's an expectation to always come back to you. Even though Islamically your family/relatives should be able to depend on you and if you have the ability, you should help them out.

It's interesting your friends are looking to hook you up. lol. As for trusting someone, as I said, I usually trust people unless they give me an excuse not to. But unless they aren't practicing Muslims, I would ask them if I think they can help. I actually don't have many married friends. Strangely, most of my friends are also still single. It's easier to ask married sisters because their husbands may know someone single who is looking to get married and if the couple is practicing, it's more likely they keep company with good practicing people as well.

I think a good place is to ask a mosque or an Islamic event. Currently, I'm so busy I don't have time to consider Islamic events but inshaAllah, it'll happen whenever Allah (swt) wills it.

Anonymous said...

Interesting. I'm glad you mentioned that people you know don't usually help as much as people you barely know. I've noticed the same and have been a bit saddened. I wonder if it also has to do with them 'believing' in the product. Like someone who knows you can also feel you have faults therefore doesn't really think you are really ready for marriage.. Where as a stranger has no idea who you are and can assume by default you are ready..

single4now said...

Good point and I agree. I think it does have to do with people seeing your flaws and not thinking you are perfect. Then again who doesn't have flaws? But it becomes easier to ask strangers for help because they don't have preconceived notions about who you are and are more eager to help.
Thanks for sharing that thought. :)

era said...

IS it bad that when a girl from my friends list gets married, she becomes distant from us & in the end the people I hangout with most are still the single sister?

I have a friend who recently got married and whenever we met she ask if there is anyone in sight and then follows up with "should I look?" as a joke. I find it silly because 1) duhhh why not if you know anyone and 2) I personally have introduced her to brother I knew who was looking.

single4now said...

Era - actually, it's very normal for a person to get married and then disappear for a while. They are obviously trying to get to know each other and get comfortable with one another. And although it may make you feel left out, that isn't their intention.

As for the friend you is married and joking about looking for you, perhaps you can use it as an opportunity to turn the conversation into a serious one and give her a detailed idea of what you consider most important, what you do not want and ask her if, at that moment, she can think of anyone from what you've described. Then ask her for a date when you can follow up with her. It may take her by surprise but she'll also realize that you are very serious and if she's a true friend, she might actually help you out. :)