Sunday, 9 January 2011

Do Opposites Attract?

I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!

I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.

Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P

There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.


SoulSeek said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

Do opposites attract. Hah, interesting indeed.

Please don't tell me you've based this assumption on 'these few discussion'. You do realise a person has a lifetime of hobbies and interests to speak about, right?

Stop being such a geek and start enquiring.

Thanks :P

single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam,

LOL! I definitely would have to talk to him to get to know him better. It's just that his obvious interests seem very different from mine. But mashaAllah, you have a point. Thank you for the wonderful advice. :D

Honest Waffle said...

Nothing ventured, nothing gained!

Visual Notes said...

Islam was the only thing we (hubs and I) had in common. But that's not a small thing actually. Islam is a way of life, so practicing together actually means that you are both in fact completing each other.

Good to see you back sis.

Happy New Year.

single4now said...

HW - true. Also, your name/picture is making me hungry. lol.

VN - Nice way to look at it, mashaAllah. Did you feel the need to work harder to get along?
Glad to be back. :) Happy New Year to you as well. :)

Visual Notes said...

...we're still working it out. That's why we're "dating".

single4now said...

Okay, I'm back to being a little concerned. -_-

Anonymous said...

Assalaamu Alaikum Sister,

I just wanted to commend you on your wonderful blog and your ability to eloquently and simply explain your experience and thoughts. I couldn't find any other place to comment so am writing here :)

I was wondering if you could perhaps touch on the topic of marriage and parents. My particular barrier and obstacle regarding finding the right match has to do with my parents. May Allah (SWT) bless them and forgive them but their mindset has been rather narrow and irrational which has thereby slowed down my prospects of finding anyone. To make a long story short, they have been looking for a prospective for me for the past 2.5 yrs and so far they only allowed me to speak to 2 brothers. Of the other proposals that came their way they rejected a bunch without asking me my opinion, and of the ones I was interested in pursuing they rejected because the brother had a beard, was not of high enough status (and note he is an engineer and his father was previously an accountant at an embassy and this for them was far too low) and because his extended family doesn't reside in the west.

Recently a family rejected me and at the beginning it was hard to swallow but now I feel as though Allah dealt with us justly - he showed us our place by being rejected by a family who also only sought status. I'm glad it didn't work out for other reasons but I feel like my family experienced what they had done to others.

Apologies for this long post. I guess I was wondering whether you could shed light on this matter and what yours or your friends experiences have been regarding marriage and dealing with parents.

Jazak Allah Khair and keep up the good work :)

- I would like to anonymously refer to myself as "Sleepless in Seattle"

single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam "Sleepless in Seattle" and jazakillah khair for the kind words. :)

Parents can be a little difficult to communicate with at times. I have a very similar situation but only where my mom is concerned. I think the best thing for you to do is have a very open and honest talk with your parents. Do it one at a time. Appeal to your mom's emotions. Ask her what she wants for you in a husband and try to sit down and explain to her how you feel about her rejecting people. Perhaps give her examples of how people can be unhappy even after marrying someone who is rich or extremely educated and why character and religion should be a priority.

With your dad, try to appeal to his logical side and talk to him in that manner. But with both parents, try to be polite because they may frustrate you. I think at best, you may be able to come to a compromise. Ask them to allow you to be involved in the process.

If this doesn't work, then perhaps ask a family member to help speak on your behalf to your parents. Someone your parents would appreciate the advice of.

You would know your parents best and would know how they work. But you have to keep on talking to them. Continue speaking to them until they understand what you are trying to say. At the same time, try to understand what they are trying to tell you as well. If you ignore their sentiments then they'll ignore yours as well. They have to feel that you are hearing their point of view as well.

Try to introduce your ideas slowly and see how it goes. At the same time, try to be a patient daughter in all aspects of your relationship with your parents. And don't forget to make dua. InshaAllah, I hope things work out for the best. :) May Allah grant us all wonderful spouses. Ameen.