Wednesday, 12 January 2011


As an update, I asked another brother to mediate and see if he can get the feel of how the brother feels about marriage and if he would consider communication. As luck would have it, they haven't had a chance to speak as yet so I'm still waiting. I don't want things to be rushed yet I'd rather I know asap if it's a no.

I've tried praying istikhara and I have been having completely mixed feelings. Sometimes, I felt it shouldn't be pursued. Other times, I felt I should consider it. So, I guess these are just my personal feelings and if it's meant to be, I'll find out when the brother decides whether he wants to proceed to discussions or not. At the moment, I feel very neutral about it.

Khair, inshaAllah.


SoulSeek said...

Assalamu Alaikum,

I have a very beautiful story for you. I'll be working on it over the coming days.

In short what I want to say is. Try to treat this casually. Meaning if it works out . . it works out. If it doesn't, who cares? Take on the next one.

I feel when you do istikhara it's a reaffirmation of a strong decision. I usually leave it until I filter out facts and figures. Once I'm happy to progress, I then turn to istikhara to make an ultimate decision.

What do you think?

single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam,

Usually I would do the same but in this case, there's a limited amount of information I have about this person for which I would need to talk to him further. But I decided to start with istikhara anyway. I thought that if this ended before it went any further, I'd have my answer. As it is, I have my doubts because of how different we are.

InshaAllah, I look forward to hearing your story. :)

SoulSeek said...

Sometimes we end stuff prematurely based on not having enough information. In my personal experience, it's just not the way to do things.

Isn't it likely you have your hunch is based on previous encounters. Being fed up (been there, done that). Having very limited knowledge. Filling in blanks to make him this 'different person'. As humans we contribute to our own failure.

Just let things play out. Sometimes we have to play a lot of times til something happens when we least expect it.

single4now said...

Perhaps some of it is pessimism on my part but most of it is based his past attitude towards marriage whenever it was brought up. He had happened to mention how his friends want to set him up but he keeps refusing. I assume there are family reasons or personal ones. I'm not sure why things would be different now. Yet, I've decided to inquire against my so called "better judgement". :P The ball is pretty much in his court at this stage and in Allah's hands. :)

SoulSeek said...

Hey, that's cool. I see it all the time with the brothers. When someone inquires their attitude changes as opposed to what they used to say.

You've done well. I respect and admire that. I'm sure any guy will.

Play along. It's difficult not to be pessimistic but just ride it out.

Insha'Allah you'll be fine and keep us updated :)

single4now said...

InshaAllah. :)

RedBerries said...

Guys are strange creatures. Amongst their friends they'll say, "Oh, I'm not ready...want to be settled...blah blah blah," BUT when push comes to shove, when they get asked seriously, a lot of them are ready and willing. I guess it's just bravado or something.

One of my friends used to hear the same sort of things you are hearing from a brother that she really liked. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, she asked another brother to intermediate on her behalf. The guy she was interested in said, "No, most defiantely not. Not on my list at the moment." When the intermediate brother mentioned that my friend was having a lot of proposals, he still didn't feign the slightest bit of interest.

The week after, he asked her if he could speak to her father for the purposes of marriage.

Tis a funny ol' world.

And like SoulSeek says, just take it in your stride. Allah is the Best of Planners.


single4now said...

Walaikum as salaam,

Interesting story. Jazakillah khair for sharing. :D In the end, did she accept his proposal?

InshaAllah, whatever happens will be for the best. :)

Visual Notes said...

Neutral is good...patience has gotten you this far. Let's wait and see.