Friday, 4 March 2011

Considering Someone Younger

Islamically, there's nothing wrong with the husband being younger since Prophet Muhammad (saw) and Khadija (ra) had an amazing marriage together irrespective of their age but they were both amazing people themselves. Extremely mature and level headed.

Recently I started speaking to a brother and we haven't had many conversations or a proper one for that matter but it's only yesterday that I realized that he's younger to me. It puts our conversations into perspective since realizing this fact. I don't think I've made the best impression myself because I felt he was too laid back and I'm getting the feeling he's not really interested even though he initiated the communication. Maybe I'm reading it wrong and he feels it's better to not be too formal. I'm still a little unsure of the right balance. Being formal just seems the safer route for me. Plus it translates your seriousness in the matter.

For now, I'm considering to judge him based on his personality and see if we can be compatible or if he's truly not serious about marriage.

10 comments:

Chiara said...

There is excellent evidence that the adolescent brain is still maturing in both men and women until the age of about 25.

Socially women seem to mature faster then men, or are required to.

There are exceptions of course, but usually under 25 men aren't really mature about marriage decisions--at least university educated men in the West.

Aside from that cautionary note, I always judge the person on their own merits. To do that requires more conversations usually.

Good luck!

RedBerries said...

Salaam,

Man, just leave the age equation out of it. Seriously. It's something that is completely out of his hands, there's nothing that can be done to change it. If you have doubts about what he's saying, or how's he's saying it, then just tell him. Some guys are quite informal all the time. If he's initiated the dialogue, and seems interested in a total halal manner - then all you have to figure out is whether his personality and thoughts on life tally up to what you're after in a companion.

Age, ethnicity, cast etc etc...they're just boundaries that we place on ourselves in this dunya. Remove them and it cleanses your soul....I speak from so much personal experience when I say this. Honestly. All we have to do as humans on this Earth, is to worship Allah...if there's a guy who can aid us, and make the journey even more awesome, then what's a number?

Ummie said...

And among HIS Signs is this,
that HE created for you
wives from among yourselves,
that you may find repose in them, and HE has put between you
affection and mercy.
Verily, in that are indeed
signs for a people who reflect.
- AlQur'an Surah Ar-Ruum: 21.

A good verse for you to ponder.
Best if it becomes du'a (in Arabic, preferably).

Salma's Visual Notes said...

My hubby's younger...
I would like to hear more about your experience. How did you find out that he was younger?

Sometimes younger men want older women because they feel safe(r). Like wife becomes a 2nd mommy.
I'll send you an email with this experience.

Inzi said...

@Single4now: Assalamualaikum sis, Good to see a new post on your blog...
I guess you should really find out if he is interested.If he is not,i suggest you not waste your time on him.BTW have you met him personally or is this something that happend online? I dont mean to be rude or pry, but lots of nonsense happen online and i dont want anything like that to happen to any sister.
.And i agree with you, being formal is the right way.. I hope everything works out well for you..
May Allah bless you.
~Insaf

single4now said...

Thanks for your messages. I'm generally good at sensing reactions from guys and I have to say I was right. He didn't seem serious and I think he isn't ready for marriage. Our conversations just died a few days back and I left it there because I feel a guy should be mature enough to be able to admit when he's not interested.

Hamid said...

salamunaalaikum!

Agree with last comment of urs.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu-alaikum,

I am currently waiting for someone to let me know if he is inclined. Infact i messaged last night to ask that very question as i dont feel comfortable in engaging in conversation when i dont know what the other persons thoughts are.

Surely after exchanging some info and pic you would think someone would have some sort of an idea whether he wants to take it any further or not.

i agree a man should be able to say when he is not interested instead of leaving the girl wondering if thats the case or not. not a nice feeling....even if he is busy! :)

single4now said...

Walaikumasalaam,

Absolutely. It's just polite. I understand that sometimes one needs time to think but when you leave someone waiting, it's just confusing that person.

Have you written to them or gotten in touch with them and just asked what's on their mind? Sometimes it's the nudge they need to either move forward or let you go. Else, if it's been over a week, assume they're not interested and see if you can find someone else to initiate communications with. I've heard that brothers are just not comfortable with rejections and sometimes they just ignore a person and hope that sisters get the message.

Anonymous said...

Assalamu-alaikum,

i got my answer - 'his family believe we are not entirely compatible'.....hm

I actually waited another day and then had to message to ask for his thoughts. i wrote 'if you are not inclined please let me know, i will be fine insha-Allah :)'.....that did the job i think and soon after i received a reply lol.

It was tough...the rejection...but got over it the day after.

None the wiser as how to continue this search for my mr right....

i just feel some times....most of the times, when i am not busy doing things finding the one is on my mind....even when i am busy, i could be in full blown conversation and my mind is busy wondering what i am not doing right that is preventing my mr right coming my way....