Pet peeve

I sometimes think I'm way too nice and let men dictate the speed at which we get to know each other. Some men are too slow in responding so I end up waiting for them to respond at their convenience. While some are just too eager in moving to the next stage when I am not convinced that we are compatible. I am too polite to keep repeating myself so I have to decide way too early whether I want to move ahead or just end communications there.

I was contacted by an eager suitor who wanted to jump to calling me and I refused stating that I want to stick to emails and see if understand each other. After answering only 4 of the 7 questions I asked him, he felt we know each other well enough to move to voice chat/calling. Worst part is when he skipped one of the questions, I repeated it and he ignored it a second time stating we need to voice chat. And now all I want to do is stop the conversation there because I think it's a little ridiculous for me to repeat myself when we've only spoken a short while.

I guess I can tell what a problem communicating with this person will be like if we were to actually get married. So it's probably for the best to leave things here.

Taking My Own Sweet Time

(image source)

I've been guilty of taking my own sweet time in responding to the suitor I'm currently (not-so-regularly) communicating with. I feel like I can't think right now. He's not perfect but then neither am I. I'm not too sure about the location which, of late, has a problem for the people I communicate with. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'd be all for it. Circumstances have changed and now, I'm simply confused. There are other reasons but they are doubts regarding myself and if I can handle the situation I'll be walking into.

Let me clarify. This is a different person than the one I mentioned in the my last blog post. He was fine in every other way except when we spoke about our beliefs. And BOY were they different. I just couldn't relate and I felt that it would create major problems later on. That's the last aspect where I want to have clashes with my husband. Not that I want to have any but I understand that even married couples who love each other have disagreements.

Getting back to the current suitor, he hasn't exactly expressed his need for urgency on the matter either. So maybe we both are in the same position. I know I should just be honest but I've noticed that honesty doesn't always work too well in my favour. Either they are put off and become argumentative or withdraw while making excuses. Not keen on either scenario as of  now. And then that makes me wonder if I can't trust them now, how would we have made things work after marriage.

There are other things on my mind which are giving me the excuse to not think about dealing with this suitor. I suppose I should just get to it. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Right?

Eggshausted...

My situation is slightly funny. Weird funny. Hence the egg reference. I have been speaking to a 'suitor' (I remembered some of you had mentioned me using the term 'brother' was weird so I shall comply and see how I like it). He is a nice person, mashaAllah and I was hoping this would turn out well but then I started getting a strong feeling that he is looking to end it. I decided to stay positive and give it my best but I suppose it was inevitable. I'm not sure about the reasons that I've been given are genuine but I'm not pursuing it any more. It became an investment of too much time and effort for something that wasn't headed anywhere. I'd have to say this was one of the few times I've felt upset over things not working out. But alhumdulillah, things happen for the best and you can't force it.

While feeling a little moody, I happened to receive a message from another suitor who seems nice. Not sure where this will lead but so far the things that seemed to be an issue for the other suitor don't seem to be for him. Alhumdulillah. Only thing that I'm concerned about right now is that he's much younger to me. I don't know of many couples where the wife is older and the husband younger and if there's anything I should be concerned about. Other than that, he seems mature and understanding. Two qualities that are important to me.

After a while, all this hunting gets a bit tiring and emotionally exhausting. If this one doesn't work out, I might take another break. Probably pursue other things in life and forget about marriage if I can. See if I can change other aspects of my life instead of worrying about getting married. Because, if it's never meant to be then I would have missed out on other opportunities as well.

Thank you and Hello Again

I know I've been neglecting my blog. I apologise.

You must be wondering if the reason is that I got married. Alhumdulillah, I'm still single. :D

Frankly, my reason for avoiding this blog was because I was conflicted at the time regarding things I should speak about and things I shouldn't. At times when I thought to write something, it sounded rather depressing or repetitive. I am still speaking to brothers but with perhaps not as much regularity as I used to. Unfortunately, certain factors are not in my favour. At this point, my age being one of them. I've definitely noticed a decline in the number of interests I've received. But... I only need 1. :)

Thank you to all who have left comments. I'm still in the process of going through them. Some of you had written a very long time ago. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Especially those who were waiting to hear from me. There is at least one comment that is more personal in nature. If you are still interested in a reply, feel free to leave an email address in the comment, I shall get back to you through that and since the comments do not appear until I approve of them, no one else will see your email address. You know who you are.

As for the question of whether I will continue blogging or not, I'm not sure myself. I didn't even intend to blog today. Just being spontaneous. Let's see how things go.

But in future if I do happen to get married, I'll definitely remember to leave you all a little post, inshaAllah. :D

And My Journey Continues

It's been a while since I ended communications. Very strange person he turned out to be. When explanations  were asked for, the response was to run away from the questions and to turn around and question me. Fortunately, I received help from some good people in discovering these issues. Alhumdulillah, I was actually pretty relieved (and slightly amused) when I saw his reaction. I could tell he didn't expect me to discover the truth. I am concerned about the next person he communicates with as he would have learnt from his mistakes.

Since then, I've spoken to another brother since he seemed really nice and religious but it seems we've already run into a little problem. Completely different plans for the future including when he intends on getting married. For him, his goals are appropriate. For me, not so much. On the positive note, at least we're both being open about it. I'm not sure how we'll proceed as yet or if there's room for compromise.

So here I am and my journey continues... :)

Getting Somewhere

A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?

So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D

Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)

Checking Back

Time flies! I didn't realize how quickly one gets busy with life. I apologise to those who left me their email IDs and never heard back from me. I simply forgot to check my email after a few days of writing my last post. You'll be hearing from me shortly, inshallah! Those who included their email addresses in their comments, I have avoided approving your comments for now so that your emails are not solicited.

As a quick review, I've spoken to a few brothers over the last few months but perhaps only the last two are worth mentioning because of certain similarities. Both seemed like good brothers and appeared to be interested in speaking to me however somewhere shortly down the line, both backed out of communicating further rather abruptly. This has somewhat left me confused. I'm guessing they may have been communicating with other single sisters at the same time which led them eventually focus on others.

What are your thoughts on communicating with more than one person simultaneously? Is it smart, insensitive or just plain wrong?