Simple Mistakes

As salaam walaikum everyone,

Sorry for the delay. Wanted to post this a while back but I didn't get time to finish writing it up.

I had recently heard about common mistakes people tend to make in their marriage profiles and decided to share some of that with you all. Generally, a good rule to follow is, if you dislike something in someone's profile, don't put it in yours. And similarly, if you like someone's profile/marriage resume, try to use a similar theme without copying it word for word. It has to be something that you can relate with and for it to be more personal, it should be in YOUR words.

So here goes:
1. Do NOT start with phrases like, "I don't know how to describe myself but..." or "It's hard to write about yourself but...". Sound confident and use this section wisely and to your benefit. The way you describe yourself is what's going to make someone read or skip over your profile to the next one.

2. Do NOT use too many negative statements like, "I hate when..." or "I DONT want the following...". It's a turn off. Concentrate on what you DO want.

3. When writing about yourself, do just that! Write about YOURself not the person you are looking for because this section is about who you are and what the person reading your profile will get if they marry you.

4. Writing more about what you want more than who you are and what you can give. AT THE LEAST, make the 2 sections equal in length. If you are asking for a lot, also share what you are willing to give.

5. Bad grammar, wrong spellings, extremely long sentences without punctuations, etc, all turn off people from reading your profile. If you are serious about marriage and want someone to like you, PUT AN EFFORT into your profile. And always proof-read or ask someone to do it on your behalf.

6. Writing extremely lengthy profiles and putting TOO MUCH information. You are not writing a book. Summarize if your profile is getting too long or people will skip your profile half way.

InshaAllah, these tips are good to get your started. :)

Oh No You Didn't - Dealing With Strange Proposals

Have any of you ever been proposed to with absurd comments which make you wonder what the person was thinking when they decided to write them?

Recently I was greeted with "kisses". Thank goodness, it was only online. And another complained about how I was being choosy because I wanted someone around my age range (coz I don't think I'll be all that at ease marry someone around my dad's age - no joke) or perhaps it was the practicing Muslim part. Actually, many of these guys are offended if what you are looking for isn't them. And then I get asked something which I felt doesn't really reflect how a person practices religion. Although, this wasn't the bad part of his so called "proposal". Usually, it doesn't make a good impression if you start off your proposal to get to know someone with criticism.

Generally, I respond to everyone who writes to me, no matter how strange it sounds but I've started to get tired of the weird messages and have decided to avoid responding to many simply because I don't know HOW to respond. And I actually feel guilty because if I took the trouble to write to someone, I would at least hope to know if they are not interested.

I think the most unfortunate proposal was of someone with quite an inappropriate picture. I'm still unsure if it was put up purposely or unknowingly. The picture was taken in a studio and perhaps the photographer should have been more careful in the way he positioned his subject. Actually, that reminds me of a second brother's pic which also seemed inappropriate to me. I understand that guys are trying to attract their perspective spouses but it should be done within limits. Alhumdulillah, it's not too often that I come across such profiles/proposals.

Sounds funny. :P Read about it here. I wonder if the people being proposed along with hundred others to would find it weird. :P

Well guys and girls, I might be taking a little blogging break. I'll try to type up interesting things as and when they come to mind but it may not be as regular. Thank you for being such fantastic readers & commenters so far. :D InshaAllah, you'll be around to share more of your insight with me. :)

The Age Factor

Although not a problem for most Muslims getting married, it is a problem for some Muslim brothers and sisters. It's interesting to see that brothers and sisters face difficulties in getting married when they are at different "extremes" of age. Most brothers find it harder to get married when they are younger (18 - 21) whereas most sisters find it harder to get married as they approach the big 30s!

Who decides what is a good age to get married at? Primarily, it's our family, our society and our culture. But at times, we are the ones creating problems for our own brothers and sisters.

For the younger brothers, the problem lies in 2 specific matters. First, the issue of maturity (or lack of it in some cases which is subjective) as sisters of the same age or older do not seem to find it matches to their level. Second, the issue of being able to be responsible for a family. Every father wants that his daughter should be looked after properly by their husband and the way this is seen is by contemplating upon the education one has or the job one is pursuing. Many sisters may or may not willingly agree to this.

Pic taken from here.
For older sisters, the issue becomes of beauty. It is extremely obvious that brothers are looking for an attractive spouse and so most older brothers naturally look for it in much younger sisters ignoring the sisters who are of their own age group. This leads to the rise in the number of sisters who are older and single. And because the younger sisters tend to marry much older brothers for their maturity and jobs, the brothers of their ages find it harder to get married. This has lead to a new trend among Muslims (although not so popular as yet) of younger brothers preferring to marry older sisters for their patience and, perhaps, independence, giving them time to stand up on their own feet.

Although we talk about the marriage of Prophet Muhammad (saw) to Khadija (ra) and how it is acceptable for a younger guy to marry an older lady, we rarely choose to apply this to ourselves and give ourselves and the potential spouses, who are slightly outside our age range, a chance to get to know for marriage. Perhaps, if this trend were more popular, it would increase the chances of both brothers and sisters getting married and of course, increasing one's options. Just a thought. :)

Reading Between The Lines

This is just a funny conversation that happened between me and my friend. Sometimes when people write about themselves in profiles, it's not so clear what they are looking for. So, to avoid reading too much into something, I look for a second opinion and this is one such case where I asked a friend for her opinion and it made me laugh.

Me: What does this mean? "Someone who is not looking to compete with her spouse but who wants to facilitate a family oriented lifestyle. Someone who values making her life and her husband's life easier."

Friend: i think it means someone who wants to work with their spouse to provide a better life for them both

Me: *thinking*

Friend: by sitting at home and making the house comfy for him

Me: LOL

Friend: i think this person secretly wants a pretty slave but is making it sound better

Me: haha

Hope no one takes her seriously though. And I have taken her permission before posting this. But I too, found the wording a bit strange and felt the person should've been a bit more clear.