Pet peeve

I sometimes think I'm way too nice and let men dictate the speed at which we get to know each other. Some men are too slow in responding so I end up waiting for them to respond at their convenience. While some are just too eager in moving to the next stage when I am not convinced that we are compatible. I am too polite to keep repeating myself so I have to decide way too early whether I want to move ahead or just end communications there.

I was contacted by an eager suitor who wanted to jump to calling me and I refused stating that I want to stick to emails and see if understand each other. After answering only 4 of the 7 questions I asked him, he felt we know each other well enough to move to voice chat/calling. Worst part is when he skipped one of the questions, I repeated it and he ignored it a second time stating we need to voice chat. And now all I want to do is stop the conversation there because I think it's a little ridiculous for me to repeat myself when we've only spoken a short while.

I guess I can tell what a problem communicating with this person will be like if we were to actually get married. So it's probably for the best to leave things here.

Thank you and Hello Again

I know I've been neglecting my blog. I apologise.

You must be wondering if the reason is that I got married. Alhumdulillah, I'm still single. :D

Frankly, my reason for avoiding this blog was because I was conflicted at the time regarding things I should speak about and things I shouldn't. At times when I thought to write something, it sounded rather depressing or repetitive. I am still speaking to brothers but with perhaps not as much regularity as I used to. Unfortunately, certain factors are not in my favour. At this point, my age being one of them. I've definitely noticed a decline in the number of interests I've received. But... I only need 1. :)

Thank you to all who have left comments. I'm still in the process of going through them. Some of you had written a very long time ago. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Especially those who were waiting to hear from me. There is at least one comment that is more personal in nature. If you are still interested in a reply, feel free to leave an email address in the comment, I shall get back to you through that and since the comments do not appear until I approve of them, no one else will see your email address. You know who you are.

As for the question of whether I will continue blogging or not, I'm not sure myself. I didn't even intend to blog today. Just being spontaneous. Let's see how things go.

But in future if I do happen to get married, I'll definitely remember to leave you all a little post, inshaAllah. :D

Getting Somewhere

A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?

So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D

Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)

Confusion

Last month I started to communicate with a brother who seemed quite interested in me. He seemed fine but I didn't seem to be getting actual answers from him when I was trying to get to know him. His responses were quite general and short. It didn't really feel normal. Then he wanted to jump from mails to messengers and I wasn't sure if he's really serious. I decided to take a chance and give it to him anyway hoping the faster communication will help. And now he has disappeared. I found that a little funny. Perhaps he got too impatient even though I had a genuine reason for a delay in responding.

In the mean time, another brother got in touch with me (he requested my email) and he also seemed quite interested but I think my questions have scared him because he hasn't answered any. They weren't even scary questions. lol. I'm not sure how people get to know each other if they don't ask or expect to get asked questions? We had some small talk in between and I went with it because I wanted him to feel at ease while communicating with me. Now he wants see more pictures of me. I guess men make majority of their decisions based on looks. But all I want to know is if we are even compatible.

This process is getting weirder day by day. lol.

Cheesy Conversations

It's hard to take men seriously when they say cheesy things in their messages. Sometimes it's annoying and other times it makes me laugh at them. I know this sounds bad but imagine a guy calling a girl "princess" or a girl calling a guy "hunk" during a serious communication about marriage. It's sounds so silly and weird and unnecessary. And it makes you wonder if these people are even serious or is this something they say to every person they speak to. Is it their ice breaker because they have nothing relevant to speak of and have no idea what they are looking for?

I've been contacted by such people for a while now but sometimes people just go over the top and this one particular person just landed straight into dreamland. His message to me was just so damn cheesy, I can't consider him as a serious potential anymore. I don't even know how to respond. It's so ridiculous. I'm stumped.

And That Is That

I can't say it turned out negative. I'm a little confused on what to make of it. But perhaps more than me the brother is confused and perhaps a little apprehensive about marriage or it's discussion with just anyone. I can understand that because I'm beginning to realize, not everyone can be sensitive about the issue. Not even people you call friends or those you consider mature. They start arguing to you about right and wrong instead of trying to understand your dilemma.

Khair, on to other prospects. :)

Do Opposites Attract?

I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!

I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.

Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P

There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.

Conflicting Opinions

During the process of a spouse hunt, there are times when you talk to people that you like but issues arise when you come across conflicting opinions. Sometimes it's over religious matters, sometimes over personal choices and sometimes over what someone is most comfortable with. One of these issues I've faced is regarding my work. I've come across several good Muslim, practicing guys who have some issue with this subject.

It's also interesting to see, that this issue plagues not only Muslim doctors but also other female doctors hoping to pursue a career in medicine while raising a family. One such prospective bride talks about her decision on this matter subtly on an Indian TV show called "Lux Perfect Bride". Personally, I dislike the way they've gone about the process of finding compatible matches on this show and the title of "Perfect Bride" but the point is simply about this one bride who chooses to find a match who is comfortable with her pursuing her career in medicine.



I've felt like most guys don't consider the feelings of the bride's parents even though they have every intention of being good parents themselves. Parents who educate their children wouldn't be happy seeing their children not make use of it or give it up for the sake of getting married. Somehow it seems there is a misconception that unless the wife is at home full time, she cannot take care of her children. I would think a husband has his responsibilities towards his child as well. According to shariah, in cases of divorce, the child is given to the father over the mother which means Allah (swt) does think fathers are capable of raising a child beyond providing a home and food. And if single fathers can consider nannies to help raise the child, they can consider that for their wives as well, perhaps? And a mother will always love and care for their child so I don't see why husbands should be so concerned about it. The best Muslims are those who wish for their brothers/sisters in Islam as they wish for themselves after all.

Either way, I never try to persuade anyone to try and change their ideas for me. I believe it's best if people are willingly open to the idea so there are no major issues in the future.