Taking My Own Sweet Time

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I've been guilty of taking my own sweet time in responding to the suitor I'm currently (not-so-regularly) communicating with. I feel like I can't think right now. He's not perfect but then neither am I. I'm not too sure about the location which, of late, has a problem for the people I communicate with. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'd be all for it. Circumstances have changed and now, I'm simply confused. There are other reasons but they are doubts regarding myself and if I can handle the situation I'll be walking into.

Let me clarify. This is a different person than the one I mentioned in the my last blog post. He was fine in every other way except when we spoke about our beliefs. And BOY were they different. I just couldn't relate and I felt that it would create major problems later on. That's the last aspect where I want to have clashes with my husband. Not that I want to have any but I understand that even married couples who love each other have disagreements.

Getting back to the current suitor, he hasn't exactly expressed his need for urgency on the matter either. So maybe we both are in the same position. I know I should just be honest but I've noticed that honesty doesn't always work too well in my favour. Either they are put off and become argumentative or withdraw while making excuses. Not keen on either scenario as of  now. And then that makes me wonder if I can't trust them now, how would we have made things work after marriage.

There are other things on my mind which are giving me the excuse to not think about dealing with this suitor. I suppose I should just get to it. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Right?

Thank you and Hello Again

I know I've been neglecting my blog. I apologise.

You must be wondering if the reason is that I got married. Alhumdulillah, I'm still single. :D

Frankly, my reason for avoiding this blog was because I was conflicted at the time regarding things I should speak about and things I shouldn't. At times when I thought to write something, it sounded rather depressing or repetitive. I am still speaking to brothers but with perhaps not as much regularity as I used to. Unfortunately, certain factors are not in my favour. At this point, my age being one of them. I've definitely noticed a decline in the number of interests I've received. But... I only need 1. :)

Thank you to all who have left comments. I'm still in the process of going through them. Some of you had written a very long time ago. I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. Especially those who were waiting to hear from me. There is at least one comment that is more personal in nature. If you are still interested in a reply, feel free to leave an email address in the comment, I shall get back to you through that and since the comments do not appear until I approve of them, no one else will see your email address. You know who you are.

As for the question of whether I will continue blogging or not, I'm not sure myself. I didn't even intend to blog today. Just being spontaneous. Let's see how things go.

But in future if I do happen to get married, I'll definitely remember to leave you all a little post, inshaAllah. :D

Stuck

A while back I started communicating with a brother. Everything seemed fine but I just didn't feel excited over it. I can't really explain why. At times I felt like it seemed too good to be true which should normally make one happy but I didn't feel it. It's normal for me to not get attached to any of the people I speak to. Nor do I usually get upset over things not working out. At least it doesn't overwhelm me. And I like it that way.

With this brother, I felt we should get to know each other a little bit first before involving pictures and base my reaction and desire to move ahead on his personality and if there's any connection. I was starting to sound pessimistic in my head without any real reason and I was beginning to wonder if those are just fears. After discussing some of the things that are important to me, I decided to move ahead and exchange pictures. Now here's the problem, I'm not attracted to him. Further more things he said initially that he was flexible about are sounding more rigid and the opposite of what I'm looking for. So I'm beginning to wonder if he just wanted to appear flexible to make a good impression but in fact we really want different things.

I've prayed istikhara and a friend mentioned that perhaps my feelings are the answer to my istikhara. On one hand I'd feel guilty if I reject him purely for the attraction factor. Or we may not actually be right for each other. Do I pursue it further or do I cut it short early?

It's unlike me to seek suggestions on my blog but I also have other things on my mind so I may not be making the best decision on my own. Will keep everyone updated.

Do Opposites Attract?

I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!

I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.

Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P

There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.

Matching Expectations

This is a problem all single Muslims and Muslimahs face. Finding a decent spouse, not in terms of religion, but in terms of matching their criterias and expectations. It's a topic that's being discussed by many sheikhs in trying to solve the marriage problem of Muslim youths. That is, not being able to get married.

One of lectures I've heard, spoke of how single brothers and sisters may attend the same Islamic conferences but never see each other as potential matches. Or brothers and sisters part of the same MSA or other Muslim groups may not consider each other because they may have noticed some faults in their behaviour during the time they've known each other. So, the expectations have gone beyond that of simply religion and have moved on to other things.

Each one of us are looking for perfect qualities that we would like reflected in our spouses but do we see those qualities in ourselves as well? Have we worked on ourselves in the process and are we reflecting internally. Perhaps we are quick to judge others or have fears holding us back. Because we understand ourselves but cannot understand the other person. Is it a good idea to take a risk on a person and give them a chance? Common sense would say yes but is it all that simple when it comes to marriage? Divorce may be an option provided by Allah (swt) but should we jump into marriage hoping for divorce as an option if things don't work out? Again common sense would say no. So where do we set the boundary? Where do we decide that this risk is worth taking or as Desis might say "is this laddoo (sweet) worth eating"?

(original pic here)
I guess part of the reasoning comes if the matter is a major character flaw or a minor one. Similarly, is the expectation something that is extremely important to a person or not so important. If it is something that takes you out of your comfort level then perhaps the risk is not worth taking. But it also depends on how strongly the other person feels about it and what vibes you get from it. There is, however, very little cure for fear and the uncertainty one feels during this process. In that situation, one should make sincere dua to Allah (swt) and follow their heart. If one truly feels unhappy about the situation, then it's better to let it go and pray for the best.