Showing posts with label deception. Show all posts
Showing posts with label deception. Show all posts

Friday, 5 February 2010

Shocking

I was reading some comments on a website of girls and their experience in spouse hunting. One had written about asking questions, among which you don't simply ask if they've been with girls, but you also ask about guys. She said she's saying this based on her own experience. And it was shocking!

Generally, I don't delve into such details of the past but she really worried me. The last thing a guy who has homosexual feelings and relationships should do is consider marrying a girl to rid himself of those feelings. It's not something that having a wife can fix. Neither is it fair to the wife nor himself.

I have known situations where guys who claimed to be homosexual ended up being forced to marry a "beautiful" girl to "fix" him. But it never came to mind when searching for a spouse for myself until now. May Allah (swt) save us from such situations when looking for honest and good Muslim spouses to fulfill half their deen. Ameen.

Monday, 25 January 2010

Lies & Deception

Many times, in order to present themselves as more attractive, people tend to lie about themselves to get married. This is probably the worst thing one can do in order to find a spouse.

Firstly, it's unIslamic and it's worse if you feel no guilt doing it. Secondly, it may get you married but what about when the lie comes out and you find yourself in the situation of a divorce? Thirdly, what exactly were you thinking?!

People who need to lie to get married, should probably not think about marriage. Would they want to marry someone who lies to them about who they are? Also, they need to think about what they'll achieve by lying. Usually, it's just a path to make themselves and their spouses miserable.

I've caught a couple of lies. One was the situation where I made istikhara and after a while I got to know the real person. The worst thing about that person was he defended his lies. Another time, I came across someone's profile who I know as an acquaintance and had lied on their profile. That's when it hit me that people lie on their profiles. It can be about their age, height, their residency status, their marital status and pretty much anything that can increase their chances of marriage. Some kinds of deception include simply presenting a different picture of themselves and pretending to be someone they are not just to make themselves seem more attractive. I understand that everyone wants to make themselves seem to be a good person but lying about things that are in no way true or exaggerating things unrealistically is not the way to go about it.

Before you fix anything or make ANY kind of decision, you SHOULD meet the person you like. Make sure the meeting includes the family and even friends if necessary. If the person hangs around with bad people, it's quite possible they aren't very good themselves. Ask a lot of questions because it'll help you get to know the person and their thinking.

I've heard of people going as far as hiring detectives to follow the person and I'm not quite sure about how useful that is. People are known to put up appearances in public. It can also be offensive to a person if they are genuine. I guess one should use that only in situations where they fear things are fishy or too good to be true and something is missing. If you have a gut feeling about something not being right, keep talking to the person till you feel better about it.

ALWAYS pray istikhara and ask Allah (swt) to help you make the right decision and move away if the person is not right for you. He (swt) is the only one who can reveal to you what no one else can possibly know, including the family.