Pet peeve

I sometimes think I'm way too nice and let men dictate the speed at which we get to know each other. Some men are too slow in responding so I end up waiting for them to respond at their convenience. While some are just too eager in moving to the next stage when I am not convinced that we are compatible. I am too polite to keep repeating myself so I have to decide way too early whether I want to move ahead or just end communications there.

I was contacted by an eager suitor who wanted to jump to calling me and I refused stating that I want to stick to emails and see if understand each other. After answering only 4 of the 7 questions I asked him, he felt we know each other well enough to move to voice chat/calling. Worst part is when he skipped one of the questions, I repeated it and he ignored it a second time stating we need to voice chat. And now all I want to do is stop the conversation there because I think it's a little ridiculous for me to repeat myself when we've only spoken a short while.

I guess I can tell what a problem communicating with this person will be like if we were to actually get married. So it's probably for the best to leave things here.

Taking My Own Sweet Time

(image source)

I've been guilty of taking my own sweet time in responding to the suitor I'm currently (not-so-regularly) communicating with. I feel like I can't think right now. He's not perfect but then neither am I. I'm not too sure about the location which, of late, has a problem for the people I communicate with. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'd be all for it. Circumstances have changed and now, I'm simply confused. There are other reasons but they are doubts regarding myself and if I can handle the situation I'll be walking into.

Let me clarify. This is a different person than the one I mentioned in the my last blog post. He was fine in every other way except when we spoke about our beliefs. And BOY were they different. I just couldn't relate and I felt that it would create major problems later on. That's the last aspect where I want to have clashes with my husband. Not that I want to have any but I understand that even married couples who love each other have disagreements.

Getting back to the current suitor, he hasn't exactly expressed his need for urgency on the matter either. So maybe we both are in the same position. I know I should just be honest but I've noticed that honesty doesn't always work too well in my favour. Either they are put off and become argumentative or withdraw while making excuses. Not keen on either scenario as of  now. And then that makes me wonder if I can't trust them now, how would we have made things work after marriage.

There are other things on my mind which are giving me the excuse to not think about dealing with this suitor. I suppose I should just get to it. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Right?

Getting Somewhere

A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?

So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D

Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)

Cheesy Conversations

It's hard to take men seriously when they say cheesy things in their messages. Sometimes it's annoying and other times it makes me laugh at them. I know this sounds bad but imagine a guy calling a girl "princess" or a girl calling a guy "hunk" during a serious communication about marriage. It's sounds so silly and weird and unnecessary. And it makes you wonder if these people are even serious or is this something they say to every person they speak to. Is it their ice breaker because they have nothing relevant to speak of and have no idea what they are looking for?

I've been contacted by such people for a while now but sometimes people just go over the top and this one particular person just landed straight into dreamland. His message to me was just so damn cheesy, I can't consider him as a serious potential anymore. I don't even know how to respond. It's so ridiculous. I'm stumped.

Waiting...

As an update, I asked another brother to mediate and see if he can get the feel of how the brother feels about marriage and if he would consider communication. As luck would have it, they haven't had a chance to speak as yet so I'm still waiting. I don't want things to be rushed yet I'd rather I know asap if it's a no.

I've tried praying istikhara and I have been having completely mixed feelings. Sometimes, I felt it shouldn't be pursued. Other times, I felt I should consider it. So, I guess these are just my personal feelings and if it's meant to be, I'll find out when the brother decides whether he wants to proceed to discussions or not. At the moment, I feel very neutral about it.

Khair, inshaAllah.

Do Opposites Attract?

I think it's about time I had a post regarding my search. :P Here goes nothing!

I've been thinking of contacting a brother for a few days now but for several reasons, I've decided against it. One of the reasons is that I feel we are very different. He's definitely more religious than I am which makes me wonder if he'd consider marrying someone who hasn't reached his level of religiousness. Also, his interests seem to be extremely different from mine. There have been very few conversations that we've had (always in a group) and most of the time I have had very little input to offer on the matter because I do not generally enjoy reading/discussing about such topics in great detail. We definitely have different tastes in literature. And as far as I know, Islam may very well be the only thing common between us.

Pretty much the only reason I am even considering him is because he seems to have a very good nature. I've never heard him put down anyone or insult anyone. He definitely has a good sense of humor which he rarely shows but it's always good to know one isn't a completely serious lifeless person. :P

There are a lot of good reasons I can think of why this may not even work out but my friends insist that I should definitely consider at least letting him know of my interest. I suppose you develop an interest in what interests your spouse but I think two people should be able to talk to someone about things they love. I'm just not sure if opposites can truly attract one another.

Communication Blues

(Yes, this post will be an end to the drought on my blog. For how long, I have no clue. Read on...)

Have you ever communicated with someone and tried to figure out what the are really trying to say? I tend to do that a lot. Because most people don't come out and say what they really mean. They tend to put things mildly or even be vague. Probably the worst thing they can do is try to avoid the question itself. It certainly doesn't help ease my mind about them. On the contrary, I feel more apprehensive about a person who hides things from me.

Then there are others who get stuck on one thing you've said and criticize or make fun of it (O.o oh yes, THAT'S going to impress me). I understand that two people may not always see eye to eye on every topic but there is a way to discuss these matters without offending the other person. It doesn't help when one person criticizes, realizes that it was offensive and then defends their actions or says they were joking. It happened to me recently. I was explaining what I am looking for (which were pretty much the qualities of a good Muslim and no physical aspects of a person) and I was criticized. That confused me. First, the guy went into defensive mode, saying this and that is why he said what he did even though I simply explained that these are qualities of a good Muslim and he accepted it. Then he immediately switched tracks saying he was simply joking. I felt I couldn't really live with someone I cannot even communicate with about simple things and had to end the conversation. At which point, he got offended because it was hurtful of me to want to end the matter there. Funny thing about that was that even though we politely bid each other farewell and luck, a minute later he picked up where we left off and continued to argue about what he said and my decision. The whole thing was so silly and a waste of time. All I could think of was to ignore him. I guess he was one of those guys who needed to have the last word.

When 2 people have an issue over the basic of things, it's better to leave matters and not get into an argument about it. Or at least that's my reasoning. Today, you may accept the difference but the problem will not go away after marriage. You'll still be holding onto the same ideals you did before marriage and when those ideals collide, it'll lead to arguments between the husband and wife. Either both are able to understand each other and come to a compromise or it's better to separate peacefully. But these kinds of things should be discussed prior to marriage so that it doesn't lead to any misunderstandings afterwards.