Taking My Own Sweet Time

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I've been guilty of taking my own sweet time in responding to the suitor I'm currently (not-so-regularly) communicating with. I feel like I can't think right now. He's not perfect but then neither am I. I'm not too sure about the location which, of late, has a problem for the people I communicate with. Maybe a couple of years ago, I'd be all for it. Circumstances have changed and now, I'm simply confused. There are other reasons but they are doubts regarding myself and if I can handle the situation I'll be walking into.

Let me clarify. This is a different person than the one I mentioned in the my last blog post. He was fine in every other way except when we spoke about our beliefs. And BOY were they different. I just couldn't relate and I felt that it would create major problems later on. That's the last aspect where I want to have clashes with my husband. Not that I want to have any but I understand that even married couples who love each other have disagreements.

Getting back to the current suitor, he hasn't exactly expressed his need for urgency on the matter either. So maybe we both are in the same position. I know I should just be honest but I've noticed that honesty doesn't always work too well in my favour. Either they are put off and become argumentative or withdraw while making excuses. Not keen on either scenario as of  now. And then that makes me wonder if I can't trust them now, how would we have made things work after marriage.

There are other things on my mind which are giving me the excuse to not think about dealing with this suitor. I suppose I should just get to it. If it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. Right?

Eggshausted...

My situation is slightly funny. Weird funny. Hence the egg reference. I have been speaking to a 'suitor' (I remembered some of you had mentioned me using the term 'brother' was weird so I shall comply and see how I like it). He is a nice person, mashaAllah and I was hoping this would turn out well but then I started getting a strong feeling that he is looking to end it. I decided to stay positive and give it my best but I suppose it was inevitable. I'm not sure about the reasons that I've been given are genuine but I'm not pursuing it any more. It became an investment of too much time and effort for something that wasn't headed anywhere. I'd have to say this was one of the few times I've felt upset over things not working out. But alhumdulillah, things happen for the best and you can't force it.

While feeling a little moody, I happened to receive a message from another suitor who seems nice. Not sure where this will lead but so far the things that seemed to be an issue for the other suitor don't seem to be for him. Alhumdulillah. Only thing that I'm concerned about right now is that he's much younger to me. I don't know of many couples where the wife is older and the husband younger and if there's anything I should be concerned about. Other than that, he seems mature and understanding. Two qualities that are important to me.

After a while, all this hunting gets a bit tiring and emotionally exhausting. If this one doesn't work out, I might take another break. Probably pursue other things in life and forget about marriage if I can. See if I can change other aspects of my life instead of worrying about getting married. Because, if it's never meant to be then I would have missed out on other opportunities as well.

Distraction

Eid Mubarak to my dear blog readers! I'm actually shocked at the number of people following my blog. I find it embarrassing even.

Lately, I've developed a distraction so I spend even less time searching for a soul mate than I actually want to or planned to. I actually didn't think it would be this difficult a process. But perhaps if it was this easy I would have shut down my blog months ago. The hardest thing is liking someone and them liking you back. And then your parents being happy with it. Parents are meant to be your guide and make sure you make the right choice but sometimes they just make it harder by adding in their own criteria. So right now the distraction helps me forget these issues. This is going to take a while.

No Time!

In case you all have been wondering why I haven't posted in a while, the simple answer is, I have no time. Or perhaps I'm an extremely bad planner.

I was thinking about my plan for this year and I have no time to hunt for a spouse and if by some miracle I find him, I have no time to get married. How unfortunate is that? The only way I can get everything I want done is to prioritize one thing over the other, delay a few things and such. But how much time do I set aside to look for a potential spouse? Some people say that you can look all you want but it'll happen when it's meant to happen and others say that you need to tie your camel if you want Allah (swt) to make things happen for you. Aren't these the exact opposite?

Also, looking for a husband/wife is not like going to a market, picking out who you like and bringing them back home with you. You may like someone and they may not like you or someone is interested in you but you aren't so interested in them for whatever reason. The entire process is time consuming. It's not that I don't want to get married right now but do I really put the rest of my life on hold because of it? Since, I haven't really had the time to look for someone, I didn't have anything to blog about. :P

I think perhaps I need to buy me Sheikh Muhammad Alshareef's time traveler package. But is it me or does that sound damn expensive? :(