Eggshausted...

My situation is slightly funny. Weird funny. Hence the egg reference. I have been speaking to a 'suitor' (I remembered some of you had mentioned me using the term 'brother' was weird so I shall comply and see how I like it). He is a nice person, mashaAllah and I was hoping this would turn out well but then I started getting a strong feeling that he is looking to end it. I decided to stay positive and give it my best but I suppose it was inevitable. I'm not sure about the reasons that I've been given are genuine but I'm not pursuing it any more. It became an investment of too much time and effort for something that wasn't headed anywhere. I'd have to say this was one of the few times I've felt upset over things not working out. But alhumdulillah, things happen for the best and you can't force it.

While feeling a little moody, I happened to receive a message from another suitor who seems nice. Not sure where this will lead but so far the things that seemed to be an issue for the other suitor don't seem to be for him. Alhumdulillah. Only thing that I'm concerned about right now is that he's much younger to me. I don't know of many couples where the wife is older and the husband younger and if there's anything I should be concerned about. Other than that, he seems mature and understanding. Two qualities that are important to me.

After a while, all this hunting gets a bit tiring and emotionally exhausting. If this one doesn't work out, I might take another break. Probably pursue other things in life and forget about marriage if I can. See if I can change other aspects of my life instead of worrying about getting married. Because, if it's never meant to be then I would have missed out on other opportunities as well.

Handling Rejection

Pretty much anyone who has been spouse hunting has either rejected someone or has faced rejection themselves. I'm no different. But everyone seems to have their own way of dealing with rejection. For me, sure it feels bad at first but then you move on. But I also feel sad when I have to reject someone. I always try to be nice when doing it but sometimes that itself backfires.

Overall, I think I've come across 3 different reactions to the guys I've rejected.
1. The mature guys - mashaAllah, I feel the worst rejecting them because you know a person is decent if you reject them and they politely wish you luck in your search. Makes me think I should reject every guy I like (by which I mean I think he's a good Muslim) at least once just to see their reaction. ;) Oops, secret's out, can't try that.
2. The guys who don't understand "no" - no matter how polite you are or how direct you are or even if you write an essay about why you rejected them they don't get the picture. They persist. I guess they might be filmy or truly believe that persistence is the key to success. It's worse when they start to stalk you online. Add you to their facebook or keep sending you "islamic" forwards on your email. The kind that tell you to pass it to all your friends or Allah (swt) will be very displeased. Sigh. Most times, it's better to ignore them no matter what they send/write and eventually they give up. Blocking always comes in handy.
3. The "have to have the last word" guys - usually, they just like to say some random comment before they leave. Other times, it's just plain rude comments under the cloak of Islam. But if you respond back to clarify, they will not leave until it's they, who have had the last word. My suggestion for anyone who comes across these people, just get out of that conversation even if it means letting them have the last word. There's a hadith to support this as well. I believe it's along the lines of - the better Muslim is he who remains silent & refrains from arguing even though he is in the right. Do correct me if I'm mistaken.

InshaAllah, the brothers don't take offense. I've obviously only been talking to brothers in the context of marriage. Perhaps sisters can be placed in similar categories?

In searching for a pic on rejection, I also found a funny sentence in an article. :P


Do share your comments on your experiences & advice on the best way to reject someone. :)