Getting Somewhere

A short while back I was contacted by a brother and we started communicating. It started out slow and I wasn't sure if it would work out. I prayed istikhara salaah and didn't perceive any clarity one way or the other. The thing that concerned me is that I had more questions than he did. He seems to be satisfied while I still feel there's a lot to cover. Have any of you faced this issue? I know some people get married only after knowing each other for a short time but how much did they cover and what did they focus on in that duration?

So far our conversations have been short and semi frequent. I'm continuing to pray salatul istikhara but at the same time taking the advise of people that matter regarding him. I'm not sure if this will work out as yet but it's been a while since I've reached this stage with someone I was communicating with and where we are seriously considering each other. Even if this doesn't work out, at least I will have one positive post to look back on. :D

Duas that I make the right decision are appreciated. :)

Checking Back

Time flies! I didn't realize how quickly one gets busy with life. I apologise to those who left me their email IDs and never heard back from me. I simply forgot to check my email after a few days of writing my last post. You'll be hearing from me shortly, inshallah! Those who included their email addresses in their comments, I have avoided approving your comments for now so that your emails are not solicited.

As a quick review, I've spoken to a few brothers over the last few months but perhaps only the last two are worth mentioning because of certain similarities. Both seemed like good brothers and appeared to be interested in speaking to me however somewhere shortly down the line, both backed out of communicating further rather abruptly. This has somewhat left me confused. I'm guessing they may have been communicating with other single sisters at the same time which led them eventually focus on others.

What are your thoughts on communicating with more than one person simultaneously? Is it smart, insensitive or just plain wrong?

Update and Contacting Me

Hope everyone has been having a great start to their new year. May Allah guide us to finding a righteous spouse. Ameen.

The search has been slow. I did come across one brother who seemed nice however location was an issue for him so we didn't actually speak unfortunately. I have planned to put aside 30 - 60 mins every day to work on finding someone since I've been very laid back about it. Let's see how this goes. I also need to cut down on my distractions and figure out my other goals in life and hopefully it'll only aid me in finding the one (that sounds cheesy). These aren't new year's resolutions but things I need to address right now.

Every now and then someone tries to contact me via my blog. Since my comments are private and need approval, please do leave your email address and inshallah I'll get back to you asap. Also, if you leave your email, do let me know if you wish to leave your comment as private/deleted. I do not post my own email because of spam and due to the nature of my blog, I would rather not have people unnecessarily emailing me.

Sorry for the delay in getting back to you (you know who you are) but it's because I did not really know how to get in touch.

Distraction

Eid Mubarak to my dear blog readers! I'm actually shocked at the number of people following my blog. I find it embarrassing even.

Lately, I've developed a distraction so I spend even less time searching for a soul mate than I actually want to or planned to. I actually didn't think it would be this difficult a process. But perhaps if it was this easy I would have shut down my blog months ago. The hardest thing is liking someone and them liking you back. And then your parents being happy with it. Parents are meant to be your guide and make sure you make the right choice but sometimes they just make it harder by adding in their own criteria. So right now the distraction helps me forget these issues. This is going to take a while.

Stuck

A while back I started communicating with a brother. Everything seemed fine but I just didn't feel excited over it. I can't really explain why. At times I felt like it seemed too good to be true which should normally make one happy but I didn't feel it. It's normal for me to not get attached to any of the people I speak to. Nor do I usually get upset over things not working out. At least it doesn't overwhelm me. And I like it that way.

With this brother, I felt we should get to know each other a little bit first before involving pictures and base my reaction and desire to move ahead on his personality and if there's any connection. I was starting to sound pessimistic in my head without any real reason and I was beginning to wonder if those are just fears. After discussing some of the things that are important to me, I decided to move ahead and exchange pictures. Now here's the problem, I'm not attracted to him. Further more things he said initially that he was flexible about are sounding more rigid and the opposite of what I'm looking for. So I'm beginning to wonder if he just wanted to appear flexible to make a good impression but in fact we really want different things.

I've prayed istikhara and a friend mentioned that perhaps my feelings are the answer to my istikhara. On one hand I'd feel guilty if I reject him purely for the attraction factor. Or we may not actually be right for each other. Do I pursue it further or do I cut it short early?

It's unlike me to seek suggestions on my blog but I also have other things on my mind so I may not be making the best decision on my own. Will keep everyone updated.

Belated Eid Mubarak!

Belated Eid mubarak to everyone! Hope you all had a good Ramadan too. Alhumdulillah, mine was really good. I managed to get more things done than I had planned, deen wise. I had put almost everything else on hold. Last year, the case was completely the opposite. I was completely swamped and felt like I missed out. But so far this yr has been going really well. And I pray the case is the same for you all.

Well, that explains my absence last month. This month I had a minor health issue so I was a little preoccupied with that. Alhumdulillah, nothing serious.

I have a blog post developing in my mind since last night. Only problem is my thoughts move faster than I can type and by the time I get them down, they don't flow as well. However, since it's something I need advice on, the post should be up soon. Does this post pique your curiosity? I hope so. :D

Amazed!

I'm quite amazed that even though I took a rather long break from my blog, I'm still getting comments. It's so nice to hear people can relate to what you are going through. Makes you feel that you aren't alone.

One of the reasons I took a break from blogging was because I had no real insight to share on the marriage front. I can't constantly be on the hunt because of the kind of proposals I was getting were starting to annoy me. I used to make a habit of responding to every person even if I was going to reject them because I would want to know if someone is interested in me or not. But after a while even rejecting people becomes frustrating.

Since I'm here, I might as well answer the questions I got via comments. Firstly as salaamualaikum/walaikumas salaam to all!

The Good Daughter - mashaAllah! That's great. I think a few pictures initially should be enough to determine if you find a person attractive or not so it's great that your fiance didn't require a lot of pictures. And as for the chat, it never happened so alhumdulillah. :) I've even forgotten who I was speaking about. lol.

Patricia - Agreed. Looks shouldn't be the priority. Looks fade so I find it strange if the only thing a man mentions is that he thinks I look good and is satisfied with that to marry me. And yes, I find it really uncomfortable when a guy becomes casual and starts referring to me as dear, love, etc. It might nromal for him to speak that way to other girls as well. To me that's a problem with boundaries. Terms of endearment are fine after marriage or with family, not every member of the opposite gender that you may get married to. But that's just my take on it.

hijabi.sailoress - good tip. ;)

Anon 1 - how do I handle rejections? Well, since I don't get attached to any of my "suitors" (taking someone's suggestion :D) I don't get offended by them rejecting me. Well, you feel bad for a bit. But then you move on. You can't be completely detached so it's okay to feel upset. Just don't let it get to you to the extent that you feel miserable about it. When its meant to happen, it will.

Anon 2 - lol, that is an odd request for advice since I'm still single. If there is no mosque near you to get to know people and form connections, then I'd suggest looking online. But beware of certain "islamic" websites. I'd go for the popular ones like singlemuslim.com or halfourdeen.com (latter is a decent priced option). But there's nothing and no one who can assure you that you'd find your mate. You have to speak to a lot of people and inshallah you'll find her. If you do go the online route, make sure you fill a decent amount of info in the sections about you and who you are looking for. Blank profiles don't really help.

Soulseek - same old. But thanks for the advice. :) It's always great to hear a male perspective.

Anon 3 - or he's chatting with a bunch of girls at a time so he's deciding who he likes best while to talks to a bunch of them. Just a thought but not necessarily the case.

CATGIRL - suitors it is. lol. I am not sure what you mean about teachers, please elaborate?

I can't promise that I'm back. I've been busy with other stuff I've taken up. Plus Ramadan is just around the corner but I'll try to keep posting updates. Keep me in your duas. :)