Networking

Pretty much everyone has heard of the phrase, "A friend in need is a friend indeed". You really get to know who your friends are when you ask them for help and they back out or make excuses. I generally don't go around testing my friends because I have a tendency to trust people easily, unless I get a bad vibe from them.

So from the last month or so I had been trying networking and a lot of people surprised me. Some in a good way, some not so good. Let's start with the good. I truly believe it's easier to help out a stranger than a person you know. We pretty much see it everywhere. People give in charity but don't spend on their own families. People smile at strangers while they wont talk to their parents. You get the picture. So I contacted a few sisters who I really didn't know too well and they were so sweet in helping me out and keeping their eyes open for me and even getting me in touch with a few brothers. MashaAllah. May Allah (swt) reward them for that! Ameen.

Then there were a few people who I know who are married sisters who didn't even bother trying. One of them I've helped quite a bit but when it came to me asking her to see if her husband has any single friends, she never got back to me. Every time I brought up the subject, she gave me some excuse. It shows the importance of keeping good company. Friends are great to talk to but they aren't necessarily good friends because when the time comes, they wouldn't really think of benefiting you in the process.

Khair, I think networking is a really good idea. People who are considering marriage should try to contact couples with marriages you'd like to have because "birds of a feather flock together"! Yes, I'm full of phrases and sayings today. :P So, they may know of someone who you are looking for. Get back to them regularly and ask for updates. You may never know until you try.

If there are any happily married sisters or brothers reading this, then please try to help out your single Muslim brothers and sisters as well. They may end up making dua for you every night and be the reason for forgiveness of your sins.

Marriage Related Events & Topics

I know I've been MIA (Missing In Action) but I've been extremely busy. My time table is jam packed with so many things not to mention, the amount of things I have on my mind.

But this is not the end of this blog yet. :P

For now, I'm just going to share with you guys a few things related to the marriage topic:

1. Shaikh Yasir Qadi is starting an email course on the topic of intimacy in marriage:

http://www.LikeAGarment.com

It's for both sisters as well as brothers.

2. An article by a lifecoach on 3 Simple Steps To A Better Marriage:

http://areweprepared.ca/post/2010/04/04/The-APT-Approach-3-Simple-Steps-to-a-Better-Marriage.aspx

3. Practimate will be starting a second round of class called "Find Your Mr. Right". You can get on the priority list by clicking here:

http://www.practimate.com/FindYourMrRight/closed.php

4. For brothers, I believe there is a class/program. For now, check out the blog:

http://www.practimate.com/Brothers/Blog/

I have to say the comments on the blog are very interesting. It's always nice to get the perspective of the other gender and see things through their eyes.

Simple Mistakes

As salaam walaikum everyone,

Sorry for the delay. Wanted to post this a while back but I didn't get time to finish writing it up.

I had recently heard about common mistakes people tend to make in their marriage profiles and decided to share some of that with you all. Generally, a good rule to follow is, if you dislike something in someone's profile, don't put it in yours. And similarly, if you like someone's profile/marriage resume, try to use a similar theme without copying it word for word. It has to be something that you can relate with and for it to be more personal, it should be in YOUR words.

So here goes:
1. Do NOT start with phrases like, "I don't know how to describe myself but..." or "It's hard to write about yourself but...". Sound confident and use this section wisely and to your benefit. The way you describe yourself is what's going to make someone read or skip over your profile to the next one.

2. Do NOT use too many negative statements like, "I hate when..." or "I DONT want the following...". It's a turn off. Concentrate on what you DO want.

3. When writing about yourself, do just that! Write about YOURself not the person you are looking for because this section is about who you are and what the person reading your profile will get if they marry you.

4. Writing more about what you want more than who you are and what you can give. AT THE LEAST, make the 2 sections equal in length. If you are asking for a lot, also share what you are willing to give.

5. Bad grammar, wrong spellings, extremely long sentences without punctuations, etc, all turn off people from reading your profile. If you are serious about marriage and want someone to like you, PUT AN EFFORT into your profile. And always proof-read or ask someone to do it on your behalf.

6. Writing extremely lengthy profiles and putting TOO MUCH information. You are not writing a book. Summarize if your profile is getting too long or people will skip your profile half way.

InshaAllah, these tips are good to get your started. :)

Reflections

When one is looking to get married, it's so easy to get lost into thoughts about what we want and what we do not. But it is also extremely essential that we think about what we can give to our other half, our better half, and try to start improving ourselves even before we find them. This way when we do find them, we are ready to give our best to the marriage.

For a while now, I've been reading articles, listening to webinars/seminars and Islamic books on marriage. Sometimes, things take a while to sink in and other times they sink in but take a while to be accepted and put into action. So, I've decided to put a conscious effort into making changes to be a better person, a better Muslim and inshaAllah, a better future wife. :)

And Valentine's day is here! Nope, I do not celebrate, but I thought it's a perfect topic for the supposed "season of love" or rather a season for a boom in businesses selling all things red, gold and diamond. :P

Shocking

I was reading some comments on a website of girls and their experience in spouse hunting. One had written about asking questions, among which you don't simply ask if they've been with girls, but you also ask about guys. She said she's saying this based on her own experience. And it was shocking!

Generally, I don't delve into such details of the past but she really worried me. The last thing a guy who has homosexual feelings and relationships should do is consider marrying a girl to rid himself of those feelings. It's not something that having a wife can fix. Neither is it fair to the wife nor himself.

I have known situations where guys who claimed to be homosexual ended up being forced to marry a "beautiful" girl to "fix" him. But it never came to mind when searching for a spouse for myself until now. May Allah (swt) save us from such situations when looking for honest and good Muslim spouses to fulfill half their deen. Ameen.

Comments

As salaam walaikum,

For some reason I didn't get an email notification of a couple of comments but noticed they required moderation on the blog site. Generally I publish all comments unless they are meant to be read only by me or they are unrelated to any of the content on my blog. Alhumdulillah, so far I haven't got any rude comments which is great because it's a tough world to please and people don't always agree with what you say or do.

There are a few pros and cons to keeping comments moderated versus unmoderated. The cons specifically are that I don't always get to read and publish comments the same day and because of that most of you don't get to interact and respond to each others thoughts.

InshaAllah, I'll try to be quicker especially when I have made a new post. Do let me know if I have accidentally missed publishing your comments.

Religious But Not So Educated

When a parent looks for a spouse for their child, they expect to find one who is well educated (if the family is Desi that means Doctor, Engineer and such). Most guys looking to get married also look for a girl who is educated. What about those who are religious but have only studied till high school?

Girls can get away with a low level education to some extent as they'll simply get married and run the household. For guys, especially in this day and age, it can be extremely hard because they are the breadwinners and parents translate education into a secure and happy married life. They aren't completely wrong. So many family problems arise because of the issue of money. It's not unreasonable to think that a man with a good job will be able to take better care of his family than one who is just getting by. It feels unfair to the guys who are good Muslims though.