Saturday, 28 November 2009

Polygamy & Religiousness?

Polygamy is one of the most sensitive topics among Muslims. It is especially a matter of debate among the brothers and sisters and unfortunately, usually leads to brothers and sisters getting into an argument and passing rude comments.

I remember coming across an unfortunate video by a brother commenting about a Muslima sister and how she was a "bad Muslim" because she had her video on youtube (mind you, this was a hijabi Muslima talking about Islam). He mentioned a way to check the religiousness of a sister is to ask her if she would be willing to be in a polygamous marriage. Firstly, I'm not sure why this brother was even watching a video by a Muslima if he felt so strongly about it's wrongness. Secondly, to ridicule her via a video tells me a lot about his own religiousness. Thirdly, I don't see the connection between willingness to be in a polygamous marriage and being a good Muslim. No Muslim can comment on the religiousness of another as only Allah (swt) is aware of what is in His servant's heart.

Agreed, polygamy is allowed in Islam and is optional which means it is NOT compulsory upon every Muslim. Secondly and most importantly, it is a HUGE responsibility & trial not only upon the man but also the wives involved which gives the women a right to choose to participate in it. Strangely enough, I find that most brothers, who are pushing for polygamy and making generalizations about the deen of a woman, are unmarried. I do not see how a brother can completely comprehend the responsibility of having even one wife let alone 2, 3 or 4, without ever being married. Not only that, some knowing that they cannot afford to have so many wives, announce proudly how their wives should live like paupers in order to make this easy on them. I'm sorry but I feel the brothers have completely missed the point of marriage. If a husband cannot support/be equal to more than one wife, then he should limit himself to one as stipulated in the Holy Quran (surah Nisa, ayah 3).

Since this is a huge topic into which I will not delve, I found an interesting article on the matter which anyone interested can read here.

With that said, I do commend all the brothers and sisters who are able to be just and patient with their spouses, irrespective of whether they are in a polygamous relationship or not.


Sorry just had to add a pic to lighten the mood. :P

17 comments:

NidalM said...

A woman can make the precondition to marriage that her husband-to-be will not take any more wives. This precondition is implicit in modern culture, so we don't delve too far into it.

While so many brothers support polygamy, very, very few will actually go ahead with it.

It should be noted that the split between men/women is still roughly 50/50. If you marry more than 1 woman, some poor soul goes without ;P As I understand it, the main purpose of polygamy is for social, political and perhaps offspring reasons...

Ma Vie & Etc said...

Firstly, I love the pic! Loolz :D Secondly, I personally don't like polygamy because intimacy between more than two people irks me. I understand that polgamy is for a good cause and I do see it's need. But what really bothers me the most is that some men take this for granted and twist it to satisfy their needs. Not cool.

y said...

Agree completely with the comments as well as the original post. I think polygamy was only intended when there is a huge shortage of men, such as after the battle of Uhud, and if there was monogamy, some women wouldn't be able to get married. It's not just for the man to have fun or whatever.

peace out

single4now said...

Nidal - very true. :)

Ma Vie - the brothers who are interested in polygamy could make a good intention of helping the widows and divorcees, however I rarely see that happening. Many tend to be looking for younger girls who were never married. Whereas our Prophet (saw) married mostly widows. It's interesting to note that Prophet (saw)'s wife Umm Salama Hind (ra) initially declined marriage to the Prophet (saw) stating one of the reasons as jealousy. And we are talking about the best man, the messenger of Allah (swt)!

y - True. :)

y said...

single4now, i have a question which is kind of related to the topic. I don't mean this to be a personal question about you, but just a general question. We've all had 'crushes' in the past, like over the years or whatever, but do women kind of hold on to those memories and stuff? Like, i think i would be really jealous of that. what do you think? Or maybe i'm just paranoid? Again, this isn't a personal question about you, just in general.

single4now said...

Hmm, not really sure about other girls but I don't really see any point in holding on to old crushes and what not. It's past, it's gone. If someone is not over it, they should wait till they are to consider marriage because it's not fair to your spouse if you keep comparing them to your ex, even if it is in your mind. I've actually felt like guys tend to hold on to their past more than girls. Maybe it just depends on the person. Personally, I have known only one girls who was really hung up over someone she liked. Other than that, most girls don't seem to be that way. I don't think a girl would normally marry someone they can't love. I couldn't. InshaAllah, that answers your question. :)

single4now said...

one girl*

y said...

yeah, i agree. It wouldn't be fair to the spouse for someone to be thinking about another person. I guess most people just naturally forget about people in the past over time. Anyway, thanks for the response.

single4now said...

Just a note: I just found out that the girl I mentioned in my post left Islam. :( Although, she mentioned in her video that she didn't leave because of all the rude comments.

Chiara said...

Interesting post, and great article in the link.

I think the point is permissibility not encouraged or discouraged. However there is great discouragement in the difficulty of needing to be scrupulously fair to more than one spouse, and making it clear that this is a near impossibility.

Very few Muslims are polygamous. In Saudi, depending on the region 2-12% with the higher numbers near Yemen and among the same tribes as in Yemen where it is on the higher end of that number.

I of course, would immediately take 5 husbands if any no. 2 wife were to come along! LOL :) :P

single4now said...

lol! 5 husbands! It's hard enough to find 1 guy to marry. It's an interesting thought though. :P

I never knew Yemenis were polygamous. I actually thought it was more popular in Saudi. Very interesting.

Megan Wyatt said...

Bismillah

Thanks for the comic. THAT made me crack up!!!!

You may be really interested in what we're doing at Practimate - it's all relevant to your posts! :D

single4now said...

As salaam walaikum,
Yes, I've heard about it but isn't it currently on a hiatus?

Chiara said...

Yes, 5 is my current response to this topic. They would all allow me my independence, and be each one special of course.

Yes Yemen has higher rates of polygyny than Saudi, but still not the numbers that get people agitated.

y said...

salam guys,

There's also another site called halfourdeen.com, by Baba Ali. According to his website, it will be up and running sometime this year.

single4now said...

lol Chiara, when would you find time to be independent? You'll be too busy giving each husband equal attention.

y - walaikum as salaam. InshaAllah. I think his site would be really good however, he had said last Jan that his site would be up and running and then it shut down in, I believe, 1 day. I think he's busy with other projects so I don't see his site coming up anytime soon.

Chiara said...

Daytime and roster for night time. NB One wealthy enough to pay for all maids, cooks, drivers, gardeners, shoppers, etc. LOL :) :P