Who decides what is a good age to get married at? Primarily, it's our family, our society and our culture. But at times, we are the ones creating problems for our own brothers and sisters.
For the younger brothers, the problem lies in 2 specific matters. First, the issue of maturity (or lack of it in some cases which is subjective) as sisters of the same age or older do not seem to find it matches to their level. Second, the issue of being able to be responsible for a family. Every father wants that his daughter should be looked after properly by their husband and the way this is seen is by contemplating upon the education one has or the job one is pursuing. Many sisters may or may not willingly agree to this.
Pic taken from here.
For older sisters, the issue becomes of beauty. It is extremely obvious that brothers are looking for an attractive spouse and so most older brothers naturally look for it in much younger sisters ignoring the sisters who are of their own age group. This leads to the rise in the number of sisters who are older and single. And because the younger sisters tend to marry much older brothers for their maturity and jobs, the brothers of their ages find it harder to get married. This has lead to a new trend among Muslims (although not so popular as yet) of younger brothers preferring to marry older sisters for their patience and, perhaps, independence, giving them time to stand up on their own feet.
Although we talk about the marriage of Prophet Muhammad (saw) to Khadija (ra) and how it is acceptable for a younger guy to marry an older lady, we rarely choose to apply this to ourselves and give ourselves and the potential spouses, who are slightly outside our age range, a chance to get to know for marriage. Perhaps, if this trend were more popular, it would increase the chances of both brothers and sisters getting married and of course, increasing one's options. Just a thought. :)
21 comments:
This age stuff links in with society and culture. In western society it's kinda unusuall for a older man you marry and young woman or vice versa. Whereas in other cultures it's perfectly fine for a 21 year old to get married to a 45 year or an older woman getting married to a younger man. I think we all are heavily influenced by our cultures, whether we like it or not (or even know). I was so shocked by that image...just staring at the picture like...@@
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In the west, it is still common for an older man to be with a younger woman, take for example Donald trump. However, we see very few examples of an older woman with a younger man, maybe Demi Moore.
Even in Desi culture, I have seen girls marry guys upto 10 yrs older men but we rarely see the reverse happening.
That picture just fit so perfectly with this topic because it shows what the cultural mentality is when it comes to the "perfect bride".
im experiencing this. things can be more complicated than you think.
^ InshaAllah khair dear. Care to share? Maybe it's something I haven't thought of?
lol its nothing. dont really want to talk about it on the net but things can definitely be more complicatd lol
Oh, sure no problem. :) Just read istikhara for anything you are confused about and if it's really bothering you then perhaps its not worth proceeding forward.
i have been making istikhara for months about it. and i feel like i got the answer. im not really confused about it lol. it just cannot be. just being realistic hehehhehe its all good.
Husain - Interesting person indeed. And a very interesting suggestion. In a way, he's absolutely right. You'll never find a perfect person. But the heart just doesn't agree does it?
Habibti - In that case, I would suggest letting the person know because they may have high expectations and the longer you wait, the worse they will feel when they are let down. :)
Nice, mashaAllah. Did you write that? Do you blog as well?
lol dont worry noone is having expectations from me. its all good and behind me alhamdoulilah
Husain - ah mums, gotta love their funny comments. :D
Habibti - alhumdulillah. :D
This is my first visit for this blog and i don't think it's going to be the last.
As a married woman i can say that age doesn't really matters as long as the couple have mutual understanding and determination to make the marraige work.
How to convince a whole society of that?
That's the new generation's job. Be strong and fight for what you think is right.
God bless you!
Jazakillah khair Maha. InshaAllah, looking forward to hearing more from you on my other posts. :)
Regarding age, I agree. Currently our society is run by prejudice and misconception on what it takes to have a long lasting marriage. Considering the number of divorces among such Muslim couples, it should be obvious that certain things that are not so important are being given way more importance in our lives. One such factor is age.
In all honesty, until a yr or so back when I was contacted by a younger brother for marriage, I had never even considered marrying someone younger to me as an option. But over time, I've felt like we make too many decisions based on what we feel is right by society and not what's right by deen. However, my decision to not marry that particular brother was because of him not being very particular about deen. May Allah make it easy for him. Ameen.
My Ideal age for the girl?..mmmmmmm.., I think two yrs older than me. The reason I will discuss in some new post if you come around this topic again. Bottom line, My preference is girl of my age or older than me. :)
I can so relate to this age issue!
Another problem is that although one gets older, the prey pattern does not change accordingly!
I've always especially liked brothers in their mid to late twenties for their mindset and attitude. This hasn't changed although I'm approaching the dreaded 30 myself. I guess there must be plenty of other girls with the same liking because none of those fine brothers remained unmarried to join the spinster/bachelor-ranks...
@usman: That's a model equation with n unknowns. I'm sure there is a mathematical formula out there to work out your age.
I can so relate to this age issue!
Another problem is that although one gets older, the prey pattern does not change accordingly!
I've always especially liked brothers in their mid to late twenties for their mindset and attitude. This hasn't changed although I'm approaching the dreaded 30 myself. I guess there must be plenty of other girls with the same liking because none of those fine brothers remained unmarried to join the spinster/bachelor-ranks...
@usman: That's a model equation with n unknowns. I'm sure there is a mathematical formula out there to work out your age
I'm sure you'll find some. :) Start with looking in places you didn't think of trying before.
btw, where do you ladies have uploaded your profiles? I would like to see if you don't mind. After all, I am also a candidate :)
Or you can simply register yourself and check out profiles you are actually interested in. :)
ermmm, let me think...places I haven't tried before...hmm...any idea when space flight will be made open to the public?
I might resort to a decent Martian then!
jazakallah khair for the tip :)
lol. I know how you feel. Have you tried networking and asking people who you feel are good Muslims to look for you?
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