As salaam walaikum all,
I've been wondering what people think of when they think about their married life. How do they picture it? Do guys picture things differently from the way girls do or is there a common ground that we don't realize? So, it would be great if you can help me (and possibly others) understand this by answering a few questions.
1. Besides the basics - looks, deen, financial stability, etc what are the qualities that you really look for or hope to find in your spouse?
2. If you could picture a day in your life, 5 yrs after marriage, what would you hope it would be like?
3. What do you think you'd bring to the relationship?
4. What would you be willing to sacrifice for the sake of marriage and your spouse?
I understand some of the questions may be personal so feel free to post anonymously but please keep it clean. :)
7 years ago
7 comments:
1) Honestly, intelligence for one. Being able to have stimulating conversations (and by stimulating I mean intellectually... in case I hear snickering somewhere). Patience, guys tend to get out of line a lot and I would hope somebody who I meet understands that and would be willing to forgive it. And finally, culture. Somebody who has a similar outlook in life to you.
2) Ideally, just like the first day of marriage. But we all know thats unrealistic. Isn't this just like those questions in job interviews where they ask where you see yourself in 5 years? The best answer would be: Whatever my life is like, I'd like for both of us to be happy.
3) The cash. Sorry, bad joke. You bring whatever your spouse is unable or unwilling to bring that you will need to have a successful relationship. If they have the patience, you bring the understanding and gratitude. If you find a good fit, without sacrificing too much (from either side) things may just work out :)
4) This is always a strange question for guys. Since we will always say 'very little'. But when we get to know the person, and yes, fall for them (cue romantic music), the answer quickly changes. Most guys I know will not admit to wanting to get married. But once engagements are announced, they become quite lovey dovey :)
^ Awesome response, mashaAllah. I'm happy to see at least one comment. :D With regards to the 5 yr question, I was trying to see how one imagines a day in their life. I should think, by 5 yrs, the relationship changes or matures rather. Although it may not be exactly like the first day/yr, there'll be more understanding and a greater comfort level.
I also agree with your response to the 4th question. Initially (when spouse hunting), one may not really be willing to sacrifice much but after marriage the love grows and you find yourself giving your spouse first priority without it being asked for. Or at least that's how one should hope it should be. :)
salam,
1. I think mostly, i would want someone who has good morals and values. Like, someone i could trust not to be immodest or flirt with other men. Someone who doesn't tell dirty jokes and say bad stuff like that (that is really unattractive, besides being immoral). I would also want a wife who is always honest and doesn't break promises.
2. I would hope that both of us have greater respect for each other, and that we are both helping each other to be better muslims and people.
3. I think I would bring stability to the marriage, as well as being a good father who teaches the kids good morals, which should impress her ;)
4. I dont think either one of us should sacrifice our morals for the marriage, but anything else, atleast in theory, should be sacrificed.
I have a question, single4now, its kind of off topic, if thats okay. its seems to me that sisters kind of have a double standard when it comes to behavior. Like, when brothers do or talk about something which is kind of inappropriate, its bad (which it is, of course), but when sisters do the same thing, its okay, because its just 'cute girly stuff'. why is that? I don't know, that just kind of bothers me sometimes.
anyway, peace out
Walaikum as salaam bro,
Thanks for dropping by a comment. I agree, it's a turn off when people swear so freely. At least we should make an effort to control it whenever we can.
Regarding sacrifice, one of the things that would be a, perhaps, big sacrifice for most brothers (from reading blogs and such) would be to move from where they are currently settled to a different city (except unless the brothers already have plans to make hijrah & such). Do you agree with that? As a brother (and actually anyone can feel free to respond), what would help you to be more open to make changes/sacrifice something (besides religion and such) for a person you like for marriage?
As far as talking about something inappropriate, it should be avoided by both the brothers and sisters equally. I think to some extent both get labelled as being flirty. Is there anything in particular that you feel is inappropriate but is apparently okay when sisters do it?
Ah commitment. I'm sure every girl would love to hear that from her husband. :D
Glad you could drop by.
I've realized that most of you haven't defined what you'll sacrifice. I'm pretty much in the same boat. But I'm just happy I'm not the only one. :P I just know, inshaAllah, I won't let my husband down. :)
Indeed. MashaAllah, that's quite beautiful. Ameen. :D
I would like her to be my strength. I won't mind if she gets in leading role and becomes a little dominant at home in married life. I would love this situation. It is far better than having a wife who is just a 'Yes girl' and don't have determination of her own. In Pakistan, it is considered taboo to have this mindset. I was laughed at when I shared this thought with a friend of mine. I don't know why people find it weird even though, in practice, this situation is not uncommon.
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